mangoes !

goodness gracious i am delirious.

SO theres this guy, we call him mango. i have had a crush on this mfer since ninth grade (im in eleventh now) and i used to think he liked me and all my friends do but i just dk anymore.

so, what started it, was i'd always make eye contact with him. he was in my math class and i saw him out of the corner of my eye staring at me during announcements. i was CHOPPED in ninth grade mind you.

he would also frequently go to the bathroom that was near my locker during lunch since he had to change for his gym program in period three. not many people used that bathroom, and he stopped using it in tenth grade (after my locker location changed) but i'm getting ahead of myself AND delusional.

this all lasted well into the second semester when my friends began telling me that he was looking at me. so, i decided to add him on snap.

he in fact did not accept it. embarrassing. what did i do? i followed him on instagram too. what did he do?

accepted my follow request but didn't follow me back. oh okay!

now it's the beginning of tenth grade, i was in a relationship. still, he stared. i never thought it was at me but we sat on opposite sides of the classroom and there were no posters or anything beside me, just a blank, brick wall. and, idk how to explain the set up, but nobody really sat around me besides my friend. 

i always though that he was looking at her, not me, but whenever i turned his way, we made eye contact. 

btw it's also important to note that 1. he's super nice and talkative to literally every other girl and he follows so many girls from our school  2. my friend followed him and he followed her back.. he also made fun of me once in that class (that i saw). i accidentally raised my pointer finger when answering in class and when i looked over at him, he was mocking me and his friends were laughing. um.

anyways, jump to the beginning of tenth grade second semester, he was in my history and math class. still, my friends would always tell me he was looking in my direction. around this time, i thought he was lowkey making fun of me with my friends. sometimes, when i walked into the same hallway as them, they'd nudge him and the whole group would look my way. every time he did that, i genuinely wanted to hide and start crying.

now picture this: its math class (a class i am NOT good at) and our teacher is handing out playing cards. whatever number we get on the top of the card is the group we're in (group ace/one, two, three, etc). you got group eight, so you stand up and begin looking around the classroom for people in your group. you see that mango, your crush, has the same as you. he also notices your card that you're holding and nudges his friend, whispering to him. they both look at you, then switch playing cards.

yeah. i cried at home after that. i was so embarrassed. that wasn't the only time it happened either.

the second time, his friend stood up, told him, then they switched. i don't want to sound self centred, but the only reoccurring theme in both of these instances was me and him. he switched with a different friend, into a group of people he didn't even talk to. both times, he switched into a group with randoms, not his friends.

near the end of second semester, my math class allowed free seating and he would always sit in front of me. yes, his friends would sit around us then, but he had other options. you know what i'm saying?

now, it's eleventh grade. he's still acting weird. still, ill catch him sneaking glances at me when he turns in my direction or faces me. he's in my sociology class, and for an activity, half the class stood in a line while the other had to go up to every single person and start a random conversation. this man would not speak to me. not even a yes or no, just a blank stare. did he talk to others? of course he did.

i genuinely cannot fathom that he likes me, especially considering the fact that he wouldn't speak to me or add me back on anything. i think he doesn't like me, like in general. although all my friends say he does. theres also no way he thinks i'm intimidating or something. we also mingle in kind of the same group. all my friends are friends with his friends, if that makes sense.

also, none of his friend group adds me back or follows me back. literally no one. one did, then he unfollowed me. so... i don't know what that means but yeah.