my psych ward experience

DISCLAIMER: this post is NOT meant to promote or encourage harmful behaviors. i strongly encourage those who are having trouble with their mental health to go out and seek help.

so i went to the ward over my break from spacehey and it was an odd experience. i won't disclose why i went to the ward exactly, but i will tell you about my experience.

upon my arrival i had to sit in some dark and cramped room in the er on a very uncomfortable bed. y'know those beds you have in doctor's offices that have the paper on them? i slept on one of those, minus the paper. i was provided with warm blankets but not any food. i was always bored and my mom was sitting beside me. i was alone when she left, there was maybe a nurse or two coming to check in on me but that was about it. some therapist came in and began to evaluate me, asked me questions like "how'd you get here?" and the usual. i should've lied my way out of there but i figured, "what the hell, my problems aren't bad enough to land me in the hospital." (they were.) i had to pee in a cup and mom brought me wendy's shortly before a team of two dudes handling a giant stretcher came crashing in.

they placed me on this stretcher and tied me up, and i was scared to death. and i also smelled kind of bad, on the account that i haven't showered in two days. so i'm freaking the ever loving fuck out and i'm VERY embarrassed, because i'm being wheeled out in public. in front of everyone. they wheeled me into the back of this van and checked my pulse and asked me questions. i grew a liking to one of the guys- he let me try out his stethoscope and i got to hear my own heartbeat. (coincidentally, he also showed up at the tactical gear place my mom works at recently! i bet they had a fun time. i wonder if he asked about me.)

arriving at the hospital was worse. i didn't like standing up and i was put into this room where a lady weighed me and some guy went through my whole bag. i had clothes, a few books, a stuffed animal (at my big age LMAO) and some basic toiletries. i had to strip and get into this hospital gown, and i didn't like the thought of getting changed in front of strangers even behind curtains. i take off my pants and shove my underwear very deep into the leg of my pants. i didn't want anybody to see them.

we walked and then eventually arrived at my room. there was a bathroom, a bed, and a window. a chair too. my mom brought a blanket. we were actually allowed to have music in our rooms (i ended up in one of the nicer hospitals) and i chose classical. i was handed a journal and a basic guide to what my stay was going to be like. my mom left and i awkwardly waddled over to the game room where the other people were staying. i quickly began to warm up and i ended up playing a few games with them.

dinner time came and the food was actually kind of okay. we had these menus we ordered from ahead of time so the cooks would just be able to hand us our trays and let us sit down in the cafeteria. i forgot what i had. then we had to sit down in the main quarters and go over our emotions and coping mechanisms and whatever.

night came and since i didn't have my phone i was bored out of my mind. i took a shower that kept turning off every minute, and the staff kept calling "marco" and i had to yell out "polo", just for them to make sure i was okay. eventually i settled into bed, read a book, and slept.

the next few days were a blur and i was getting sad seeing everyone get discharged. i got bored during the meetings we all had because i had no friends and i was sad and lonely. we watched a movie in one of the rooms and some kid started screaming and banging on the windows, and had to be placed in solitary. my mom and dad came to visit every night and they brought me fast food and sushi. mom came mostly and i always got real sad seeing her leave. once, i was crying and staring out of my window watching my mom when a nurse came in and asked me how my vagina was doing. the best thing about being in a hospital is that you can scare yourself into thinking you have pussy issues, and get tested for them. i had to pee in a cup again.

i was negative by the way.

all in all, it wasn't a totally bad experience. i never touched the sunlight or a single blade of grass during my 6 days there but i also didn't get much better either. i just hope that whoever is in there now, especially the person who has the same room i once did, can learn a thing or two.