"Growing old is mandatory; Growing up is an option."

November 14, 2025

7:23 PM

I can’t believe I’m 17; in my mind, I’m still 12 years old! I’ll be 18 in May, and in August of 2026, I’ll be away for college; studying in Baguio, I hope.

I don’t want to grow old. I want to stay up all night playing with my friends. I want to go out every other day and discover places in my town that I haven’t seen before. I’m scared of being away for the first time from my family, my hometown, and from familiar faces. I know I have to step out of my comfort zone, but it’s just too much for my still 12-year-old mind.

Seeing people moving on from stuff I grew up with; people I grew up with makes me scared. One time, someone had shown a sign of moving on from something that took almost his entire life, and it made me silently ponder. Change is uncomfortable, and yet the future is just looming around. I wish I could stay 12 forever, talking to my best friend about my bias in NCT—who, by the way, isn’t in the group anymore—and talk nonsense with my cousin. I like to imagine that every night.

I’m feeling all sentimental because I just finished rewatching my all-time favorite childhood show ever: Gravity Falls. This show has influenced many things in my life, including the self-inserts I have in every show I watch. As Dipper and Mabel leave Gravity Falls, I was there in front of my laptop, crying. I wish I could relive my childhood again, even just for a day.

2026 is right around the corner, and 2020 will be 6 years ago. We only have 4 years left, and officially, it’ll already be a decade since the pandemic. I am scared.   

Oh I still don't know how to change the layout of my blog entries, but I like the old internet look anyway.