thoughts on merriment.

Merriment is just an alternative for happiness (just type chic words for happiness). Happy = no worries, atleast to me it means that. BUT, Also moments when you just celebrate a milestone you've achieved. Three weeks ago I was dwelling over phy genuinely thought I was gonna fail turns out I did pretty well after all, (let me flaunt my merry twin) then came the "next exam" like IT WAS MEANT to ruin my non-existent ego. (I do have ego I just pretend like it doesn't exist.) Here we are the present where the "next exam" is happening. We have the entire syllabus (gweat <3) no one asked for this John. I have this voice nagging that I ain't good enough. It has been there since chemo, It's all in my head. I took theraphy for it, it didn't work. 


Now, allow me to define merriment. Merriment was when I was 10 to 14, Merriment was when everything seemed like a puzzle, a fun puzzle! Everyone seemed cool, stable and life felt thrilling. I didn't have dreams and dread, sure. But I was happy -- I liked being alive, I liked people and afterall I loved myself. 
       

Like all beautiful things, My merriment is temporary now. Oh, But I still lament over the merry I had years ago.
      

                                                CECE-M.D