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That’s something I’ve only just realized about myself, how paranoid I actually am. All my childhood I never took any pills, always afraid they were tracking devices or something of the sort. Whenever I accidentally brushed past someone in the grocery store or they bumped my backpack at school I’d always make a point to hold my breath and brush that spot with my hand in casse they left anything behind, another tracker or dust of some kind intended for me to inhale. I always assumed everybody was out to get me, even my own mother. I never felt safe anywhere, never at home, never anywhere I felt I could let my guard down. I was always looking out for people in the windows or if anything was dropped into my food. I assumed I’d grown out of it at one point a few years back, I unconsciously stopped being afraid of taking pills and looking over my shoulder, but it’s coming back hard. I’m never relaxed.