I got the Sutta-Nipata

        I'm very excited. I was reading a book called Cult X by Fuminori Nakamura (As listed on my profile, with a few other good ones) and the Sutta-Nipata was listed as a Buddhist religious reference. It is apparently the oldest Indian scripture, but it is so old that it had virtually no impact on Buddhism as we know it today. That's why I wanted it, because just like how it was written in Cult X, I want to get as close to the real Buddhas ideas as I can. I'd like to do the same with Jesus Christ. I don't believe in any religion, to me a lot of them behave like cults (as far as I've seen, maybe I have just obtained a western perception of evil religion, I obviously cannot say that every religion is evil or that they all stem from evil, but I can say that many do and I can also say that I am completely always willing to be corrected if I misspeak or disrespect somebody unintentionally, I do not have malicious intentions, only informative ones) and to be honest it freaks me out sometimes, but luckily I have a filter. Somewhat lol. 

        Hopefully this brings me a bit closer to the understanding of the mind when 'I' remove my 'self'. I was thinking today, trying to organize my ideas into a coherent thought, and I thought that, if you are self-conscious, wouldn't it be less stressful to remove the idea of this self entirely, and realize that you are the exact same as everybody else? I don't have to do away with my individuality, but I wish to understand what is left in the empty space, when you remove all words, pictures, ideas, and the idea of ideas, what is there? Apparently, it cannot be explained, and I fear I royally ticked off a non-idealist by asking too many materialistic-minded questions, even though I felt I was just being curious. Well, I just attribute it to him being so far in his path that he may have forgotten what it was like to not fully understand it and therefore wouldn't see the point in approaching it a different way. Some people like to use metaphors to explain things, others don't I suppose. I prefer to use metaphors and analogies; I think I convey ideas much better that way sometimes. 

     I hope I can build a decent collection of good religious texts. I decided I want to learn more about Jesus, similarly to Buddha, I want to see how close I could get to HIS original ideas and not modernized watered down interpretations bounced off of a million denominations of Christianity. I've been realizing recently how having bad experiences in the Church let me to become so interested in cults and other religions, that I have come back full circle and begun to recognize how often I dismiss the complexity and richness of Christianity just because of the people I've experienced. I thought that if I am to truly love religion, Christianity must be a part of it too. Ironically, I was scrolling on Ashtar websites when I thought of it. Ashtar is recognized just as much as Jesus is in much of their beliefs, Ashtar may be more presently relevant to them, but they believe Jesus walked the Earth and spread love, generosity, and his spiritual beliefs all the same. I thought, if this cult that sparked my love FOR the occult also revered Jesus so much, why do I feel dissent towards it? Why should I have a negative connotation attached to Jesus because of a negative connotation on Christianity simply because of the people and the ideas I have accepted to be the general experience of the religion? I realized I needed to separate all of these ideas. Jesus' teachings sparked Christianity, same as Buddhas sparked Buddhism. Why should I approach them differently or refrain myself from one? I shouldn't. And to be honest, I'm glad I realized that. I'm excited to really begin digging into old Christian ideas, I own a book called "The Lost Books of the Bible", but my friend is currently borrowing it. I think I'll ask for it back, it has been quite a while since I lent it to her. 

        I got a bit off topic, but I don't really mind. Maybe someone will take interest in this. I always thought it would be neat to have a blog, but I never thought I'd find an active blogging community, I'm glad I set up this account. It's been way more fun than Instagram or TikTok tbh. I stopped using them a whiiiile ago anyways, I felt my brain frying everytime I started scrolling, and I've watched too many breakdowns on how short form content gives you too much dopamine (the motivator chemical, it is not a happy chemical. You're basically rewarding yourself for doing a task without doing it, making the prospect of actually getting up and doing anything pointless, because your brain has already gotten the "worth it" feeling) and causes your brain to short out because of how many emotions it's being fed. Each video clip is an emotion, and you're not supposed to feel or process so much input in such a short amount of time, it makes real life underwhelming. I thought spiral easily so I really just couldn't let myself scroll without being hyperaware of what I was doing to my brain and how I was holding myself back. I feel much more excited to do my hobbies and to study now that I've cut out a majority of social media. I still use discord though, and I may be a bit of a hypocrite on that, I really should spend less time on discord lmao. I'm doing way better though, admittedly it has been wayyy worse than it is now lol. But oh well. 

        Thank you to anyone who read this far, I hope I wasn't insanely boring lol and I hope everyone has a good time of day, go on a walk and get some sun, vitamin D deficiency can cause depression and intrusive ideations k thanx byyyee i love all the little internet stranger critters clicking around on these pages  dont ever stop archiving digital media and hoarding physical media bye goodnight (im not sleeping)

-Jupi