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I've been feeling weirdly like a second choice to everyone in my life as of lately. I have friends, but they were all close before they met me, I've only been in their lives for a little while! And my friends back home all have lives and hobbies and peolle, we hardly talk. WHICH NO SHADE TO THEM!! i get it, the world didn't stop when I got kicked out. Im happy of the people they've become.
But that doesn't make it suck any less. I want to know that someone is as close to me as i feel like i am to them, i want to be someones number one, their best friend, their first choice. I want someone to tell me all their "stupid" thoughts or boring details. I want to know someone in and out, to take them anywhere with me!! I want someone to notice when i'm upset, and to ask me about it. I want someone to care for me without me having to beg.
I want my friends to think of me as much as i do them, i wish they knew truly how happy it makes me when they message me first. Only like. One person i know does that. Thank you to them <3
I'm just scared of pouring my whole heart and soul into someone and it all being for nothing, im scared that i will always love people more than they love me.
I need to go to therapy
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Saxen
This is really relatable. I always tend to put so much effort and love into my friends, but this year, I only got one birthday gift from one of my friends. Yet, I bought a beautiful gift and researched what they wanted really badly, packaged it nicely with a birthday card beautifully written with ink and pressed flowers glued to it, while that was one of my friends who didn't give anything to me this birthday. My mother even told me that I do too much for my friends while they don't put as much effort into me. She was right, but it's just the way I view friendships, with pure love. But I learned that not everyone feels friendships this deeply like I do. Another thing is that I have to text my friends first, because they won't do it themselves, but I get it, they have a hard time with it because of their autism, so I get it, but even though I understand, I still wish that I had at least one friend that also text me first sometimes and wouldn't forget my birthday.
I feel like the best way to find someone who loves you as much as you love them is to just keep looking, without it consuming your life too much of course, don't force it. You can do these things by joining communities, chats, ect. But also in real life, which a lot of people don't do anymore, like going to a con like comic con. I read that you enjoy art like I do, maybe go to a small art course irl, or go to a certain cafe of your interest. There are many examples. But it's of course, not that easy. You often have to take the first step when you want to find true, deep friendship connection like this, and it can be difficult. Hopefully this beautiful app will help you along with it. I love your alien profile picture btw. I love aliens! Sorry for the long text, I love typing and talking a lot.
THIS IS THE NICEST COMMENT I'VE EVER RECEIVED!! it wasn't too long, i love hearing what people think!!
I hope we both find people who cherish us deeply, even if it takes time. Having friends who love you as much as you love them is such a freeing experience!
by MonaBug; ; Report
I also love to hear what other people think. Glad that you thought that it wasn't too long! Yes, I hope you find that friend with a deep and meaningful connection. <3 I already have one, but she is still going to college while I'm not, so I can't see her that often. But it's fine! It was nice sharing this with you. :)
by Saxen; ; Report
Yesss, It's definitely a freeing experience indeed! :D
by Saxen; ; Report