Update 2 - bad parts

Hey, future

So more time has passed, I've been here for a little over 16 weeks (4 months) and I'll be honest here... It hasn't been a good few months by any means.

Don't get me wrong, I have several good, happy and fun moments, but they are not enough to erase the bad ones. It's not just the "homesickness/saudade" that affects me, yes, I miss my family, friends, teachers, colleagues, my cat, my routine, my whole life that I built in Brazil, but if it were only that it would be more tolerable. I knew I would feel this way, it's not a surprise, it was something I had been preparing myself for.

The problem is that it's not just that that affects me. I don't want to seem like I hate this country, it has many good things to offer, but there is another side, a side that I have unfortunately had a lot of contact with. It is an extremely conservative country, with many people who genuinely hate many things that shape who I am, ingrained prejudices that make me afraid.

It's been difficult connecting with people here because of this fear and the differences, making the "homesickness/saudade" almost unbearable...

My first host family was quite problematic in those ways... Now I'm with a new one and I'm trying to hope it will be different, but it's difficult...

Anyway, despite being negative experiences, they aren't all bad, at least I want to believe that. I have a lot of time, a lot of time indeed, to reflect and think about it. I probably won't come out of this exchange year saying it was the best year of my life, but I can say it was one of the years I learned the most about myself, about the people around me, and about how I see the world.

Don't take this as a plea for pity, I'm fine despite this, I just wanted to share a little of my reality, sometimes there are people who need that.

I'm going to take care of myself and I hope you do too...

Loe, Sofie