Ten Years Online, Zero Proof I Exist

Five days ago, I turned 18.
Which is cool, I guess. New age, new chapter, all that recycled bullshit.

But it also means something else.

I’ve officially spent ten years of my life posting on TikTok.

Ten years.
From 8 to 18.
A whole childhood fed into a screen.

And the worst part?
Not once did I even touch popularity.
No spike. No moment. No “this might be it.”

I started like any kid would be posting random crap, not caring, just existing online. Back then it was harmless. Fun, even.
But as I grew up, I started trying. Actually trying. Learning trends, timing, editing, ideas. Especially lately, I know my content isn’t trash.

And yet TikTok treats me like I’m not supposed to be there.

I once posted a video where I was clearly fake-hitting myself. Obviously a joke. Obviously not real.
TikTok removed it, slapped me with a warning, and labeled it “self-harm.”

I appealed.
They gave the video back.

But the warning stayed.

So yeah “sorry, our bad,” but also “we’re still watching you.”
Cool platform. Very sane.

No matter what I do trends, originality, creativity it’s the same outcome.
Seven likes. Maybe ten if the planets align.

I’ve watched people rise and fall in real time.
I’ve seen the worst content imaginable blow up overnight.
I told myself, one day I’ll be like them. Not famous—just seen.

But slowly, painfully, it hit me:

No one is coming.

There’s no breakthrough waiting.
No hidden audience I just haven’t reached yet.
No “keep grinding” miracle.

I even made multiple accounts, thinking maybe one of them would escape whatever shadow I’m stuck under.
Nothing changed.

At some point, it stops feeling unlucky and starts feeling personal.
Like the app itself decided I don’t belong.

Ten years online, and I still feel invisible.
Not ignored, filtered out.

And the fucked up part?
I don’t even know what to do with that realization yet.

I'm not mad, i just feel like i wasted a lot of my time on nothing.