Hypersexuality: The Centipede Holds Me By The Neck

Songs:

Wet - Dazey And The Scouts
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked - Ida Maria
Spit - Show Me The Body
FUKOUNA GIRL - Stomach Book

Origins:

When i was an innocent, precocious infant, i was unfortunatly introduced by peers, with lower care of their action's consequences, to a website.

My favorite holiday at the time, being 'Halloween', was popular due to a combination of two colors, black and orange, quickly the horrors of my favorite holiday has been blessed with beauty of vulnerability and human needs, it was beautiful, two humans at their most vulnerable state, trusting the other to treat their body well, but i was 8.

At 12, it dawned on me that porn was a fake, made up re-enacting of love driven by pure lust, it was too late, 4 years of being the nummber 1 consummer of a fast food chain that uses human meat as their main ingredient, i ate too much, im a cannibal, i cant go back, lust is all i know, love is lust for little me, 12 years old me.

Effects:

-Most would describe the awakening of their sexual identity to be caused by a fictional character, a pop star, maybe someone from their life, i couldnt relate to that, altough i had thoughts about male on male action, i never felt it towards anyone, until once searching for new content on the website, a white icon in between all the orange and black catches my eye, the word 'gay' was a new term, something unheard of, my small finger hovers above the icon, and i press it.

It was bound to happen, i just wish it happened later, the restaurant added a new item to the menu, and i couldn't wait to try it, to see something that little me believed to be evil, vile and disgusting be presented in such a light, love, but was it love? no.

-I knew a guy back when i was 10, i believe he only was a year younger, we were quite close, we both suffered from an addiction to body language, and after a few events, we thought itd be fine to express eachother, it was innocent, details are unecessary, but i lost my virginity at 10, not to a person i love, not when i knew the worth of sexual interactions, but to a friend as innocent as me. Im disgusted, distraught and embarassed, i think i would've been better of not trying it with him, every night i wish i could feel the warmth of a person, their hands, legs, thighs, chest, neck, lips.... i wouldn't have known how good it felt if we kept our thoughts to myself, so by the time i made it to 14, i completly erased that memory of me and him, but as much as i tried, my body still longs for that comfort, fragilty and warmth.

-I love the winter, i hate it just as much, theres a small moment where im cuddled up in my sheets with the perfect amount of warmth, but thats not my whole day, for every moment of warmth, i spent more time freezing, for every amount of pleasure, i spend more time depressed, but unlike the cold i know how to save myself from that depression, i just have to stop, but i cant.

The centipede holds me by the neck