my extremist bigoted views are that.....

..I want a special person to love and be loved by eternally and wholly

I just long for someone to actually share the experiences of life with, not this "casual dating" hogwash either, or this hookup degen crap.

just soft unending connection, I need to make up for how much time I lost wasting my teenage years being groomed or isolating myself or going mentally cray-cray by myself (i'm stable now but yk what I mean)

and I've fallen for people secretly and silently in the past because i've felt them seeming like that understanding and kind type of person, but always found myself too physically or socially repulsive to voice it, not like I would have the balls for it in any universe.

reminds of how when I was 13 back in school there was someone I liked and little tiny me left notes all over the places labeled some nonsense like "notice me senpai! - anon"

it sounds so cringe but it's cute to look back on because I was just a dumb little kid.

anyway....when you screw up highschool solely by being paranoid and deluded projecting the voices in your head onto others and then wind up having no friends, I guess you only got yourself to blame.

hopefully this repetitive sickening cycle won't always be all I know.