announcement (??)

Hello everyone, this is Alex. 

Why haven't I posted since September..? I've been living through hell and beyond for the past couple months. Yes there were instances where I felt happy but everyday I just kind of felt awful and sad. Holy puberty, holy puberty... why does this happen to me

I think I mentioned my past relationship in one of my blogs. Well that's basically the reason. It might sound stupid at first but I'm seriously affected by it. Me and my ex talked even after breaking up, we stayed as friends(?) most of the time. But we both knew that there was tension between us, and that I still liked him, so sometimes it would get pretty weird.

Sometime around September my feelings for him started to surface back up again. I stalked him alot on social media and he caught up. When he asked me why, I just told him I was inlove. Then everything started going downhill. He was nice with me like always, told me he didn't like me back and that I should just stop, but I really believed he was the one for me. I really thought we could work it out. So I kept on telling him, how I loved him, how much I can be able to wait just for him.

"Sooner or later you'll find someone who really loves you, tho it would probably take time"

"I don't want to find someone I just want you"

And after that we just kinda... forgot about it? And acted like friends again... Not for long because! 💥💥 WE FUCKED

Nah, joking we just had esex and jerked off together. But in our context that was pretty big, since uh, we're exes... I liked him, and he was yk its so fucking weird he loves me but he doesn't he only loves me when we have sex why why why why does he only love me when I moan  his name ahh I wanna die........ I can't do it sorry 

I love him

And tried to kill myself because of him

And now I'm trying to get over him

Because he also has a life to live

And I'm rotting in the past

I want to forget everything

I'm not gonna do it

I miss him

But I deserve better

He was the only thing I ever needed I wanted it to work out so bad ,he tried to work it out I swear but he is scared of me. I'm terrifying he's quite literally the onlyperson I've opened up to and now I have noone who sees me he saw me I saw him we're both dead dead perverts living in a world of pureness and normality I hate it. I like him bc he understands

I could only be me with him

Gaston

Why'd you tell me to change
Its me I am me why don't you like me why did yu push me away. I thought we understood eachotehr ahahhh 

We'd die for eachother. I told him to killhimself and he... lived because hewas already dead :)