third times a charm

“The first is serious and painful, you'll dig claws into it when it leaves, the second is for fun, but the third is forever.” is what my oldest sister had told me a year before I got my first bf. I thought the saying was some bs as my family was often superstitious like this, don't sweep your feet or you wont get married and throw coins over your shoulder superstitious types. None of those I had cling to as truth but I do them for fun. Now, 5 years later, her message rang true but not in the way I had imagined. 

The first one was interesting, a guy that hadn't taken me seriously and didn't understand the extent of my love. He wasn't ready for me, I was too much. So I backed off in an attempt to convince the first person who had told me they loved me and was genuine about it to stay. I backed off so much that I had allowed heinous things to happen to me, no fight.  However he left with the words “you just got bored”. In an attempt to combat the statement I began to do dangerous things praying that if it didn't get him back then hopefully it would kill me. It didnt and i stand now knowing that i had been working something that even i had doubted its reality. 

The second was a mean woman. A girl that talked with her fist and didn't take no for answers. The appeal of her had worn off when i was no longer watching her yell at annoying guys or bound her fist into punk ass bitches that snickered at us and instead i was shaking with a throbbing pain in my skull not just from the impact but the thought that i had now transformed into something new, i was nothing. And yet I was still expecting to tend to the hand that strikes. We all have our limits, mine came in the form of mental games rather than the physical pain. 

The third, a respectable man. He never laid a finger on me, he never raised his voice. He saw me as a person, but nothing more. He wasn't in love with me, an aromantic. And yet I sometimes selfishly wonder that if he had been born with the ability to feel it, would he have with me? He held me when I sobbed and laughed when I laughed, he kissed with passion and he had such devotion in his eyes. All of it was real, it just wasn't romantic to him. The relationship is over now, but my sister was right, the love goes on forever. He's still my best friend and I wouldn't trade him for the world. The love we shared though not romantic will affect me for the rest of my life, for now I know I am capable of experiencing such a thing.