im sO scared

Lately i've been talking more often with a girl i know last year, she is kinda shy but very friendly, usually in the classroom, even during recess; she is kind of antisocial LOL and kinda grumpy.

im feeling like, curious about her, like, what would she say if i...?? will she do this if...,???; but i dont think i really LIKE LIKE her, its more like an interest. Even tho idk what to chat with her sometimes TT

but i dont feel ready for a relationship and idk why, its like its not worth it, that it wouldn't work or i dont really feel it, im scared. She was disappointed with a man (just graduated) who wasn't paying attention to her, she was very stubborn with that man. A friend told me to try harder with her now and the only thing i did that i feel it was very intimate, was gifted her a plush she couldn't buy LMAO; but i dont feel ready yet, maybe i will never be ready anymore.

i feel like i will never love somebody else like i love/loved that boy i have talked previously x_x still my friend i love him, like, why i would stop loving him??? i know him 5 years ago and he is kinda special to me. I still feel like he could be a perfect partner, even tho i dont know him irl and i dont like virtual relationships... i wanna feel the presence of the other person, its one of the fundamental things in a relationships for me. but with him it was kinda diferent and idk why, i still think of him like: "tf is he doing rn", "i wanna play fortnite with him......." or just talk a little with him idk bro we could have been unstoppable, and we could have dominated the world if we were together!!!1

i dont think he thinks something like that, maybe he hates me or smth, i wish i could know him irl and be sure of everything, soy un desastre wn :v