"my dearest"

I have a fear of god, but a love for jesus. I'm afraid I'm not doing it right, try to keep on the light. cold and dark like the moon, in it's full form, in bloom. you're the true savior, took me from a place at my worst and set me free. the tall cherry blossom tree, it grows as my love flows upon the river of life. and I see my path in parallel. our eyes crossed, a heartbeat held mine within it's own, destined to meet. I was so unsure, but I knew what I needed. I was crazy, but I took the advice of someone who broke me. and it lead me in the right direction, and I find happiness and peace for a moment. a strange fleeting memory of my past, must come to a goodbye. to receive the gift I have been given in it's full form. I thank you, all of you. I crave faith, like a burning desire. I'm in prayers, but can't manage my own. it's not what I know. I want to embrace it in itself. but I struggle finding the words to describe how I felt. if it is meant for me, it will find me. I have hope, but I cling onto what's in my past. I need to cope. you found me when I needed it most. I didn't realize there was you until I looked in your direction, holding your hand and remaining where I stand. I look at my reflection, I see myself for once. in a previous life, I saw a past lover who played in a band. but to know I am not another person's infection, I have my own qualities and beliefs I changed, exchanged for what I thought was love. and I know some of it was true. but it only left me black and blue, in the heart, bruised and broken in the end. and my frozen heart thought I couldn't renew, was filled with warmth. the moment I met you. it was strangely different, the issues and problems I faced before were nonexistent and stronger with you. it was honest. a sonnet, of sparkling ocean eyes, cloudy like the blue skies. my life knew I needed you. 

he broke up with me 10 days later.