What Am I Supposed To Do? ★

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Hey there, internet explorer! Welcome to Internet Ashtray, a place where I talk about anything I want for anyone to read. My name is Wendii and here are today's thoughts:

Here she comes with another depressing ass post... SOMEONE SHOOT HER!!!! Just kidding. Please don't shoot me, I promise this one isn't as much of a bummer. 

But moving on... What I wanna talk about is my future. Oh yes, I know you're just on the edge of your seat, you're SO excited to hear about ME. Sorry, I don't know why I'm being so annoying today... but seriously, I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. 

What do I wanna do? I mean you would think the next move for me is enrolling in college but... If I'm being totally honest, school isn't all that appealing to me. At least not right now. After 4 years of high school hell... I think I need a long break before I put myself through anymore academic stress.

Okay, so what? Are you gonna get a job?

Jesus, you really got to watch it with that word. Some people don't like hearing it. But, yeah I mean yeah, that's what I thought. You know, take a break from school, earn a little money, and gain a bit of real world experience. Hell, since I've been taking so long to enroll in college classes, my mom recommended I get a part time. Which I think is her way of gently telling me to get off my ass... 

Realistically, if I were to get a job... I think I'd just end up like my sister. She started off trying to do school but she said it wasn't for her and instead went into the work force. She started working in 2020 after graduating high school the previous year and has been ever since. Frankly, I don't think that's gonna change, seeing as now she has her own family to take care of. No offense to her but... THAT SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE. Being stuck at a 9 to 5 for the rest of my life while having to provide for a tiny sticky little kid? No longer really having time for yourself or alone time with your partner? Yikes. 

Not only do I not want kids, but having to spend all my money on IT? I'm way too selfish for that. And lord knows mama needs her alone time. I think I'll stick with being the cool and jobless aunt for now, thanks. 

Then what ARE you gonna do you fat fucking chud?

Glad you asked! I do plan on getting a job but not just any old regular one. Before I tell you though, let me explain why I thought of it in the first place.

Unfortunately I'm the kind of person who doesn't really have a strong passion for one thing. I tend to lean more towards things involving creativity like film or journalism for example. But unfortunately, all the passion I have for directing is limited to small projects like silly Youtube videos. My heart just isn't in it enough to base my whole career around of it. And journalism... well, I was on my school's newspaper team in high school but we were limited to solely writing about school events and god did that feel suffocating... All I wanted was a limitless outlet for my writing, like this blog. Nothing serious, just me writing about whatever I want. 

Originally, after realizing this... I thought I'd be fine with a simple job. Surviving off of minimum wage like I've seen my parents do my entire life. I could just be content with my job and have my own fun outside of work. Living averagely and staying like that till I'm 6 feet underground. 

But my brain said HELL NO! You dumb bitch, all your life you've been living the same boring routine that happens to change every couple years. You need to do SOMETHING with your life. And I totally agreed. I want to do something meaningful with my life.

Lightbulb! 💡  

Why don't I look into cosmetology? I can be semi creative with it... and I do enjoy cutting my own hair... I could bring a smile to people's faces and help them feel better about themselves... and I'd be meeting a whole ton of people on the daily too! 

But wait... crap... that involves school. And we've established that's not what I want to do right now... Plus, it's not the average job but how much of an impact would I be making just cutting hair? I like the idea of having a set career in being a hairdresser later on in life, but what can I do right now?

Something that gets my parents off my back about school but also tells them I don't plan on staying with a plain job forever?

Holy shit... Even bigger lightbulb. 💡

After watching a shit ton of apocalyptic shows/movies, playing Mortal Kombat just because I idolize Sonya Blade, watching WWE, and playing Call of Duty since I was a kid, I've been wanting to get some kind of combat training or general survival skills. You know, building up my muscle, staying fit, possibly getting a regular gym membership or even joining an MMA gym. 

You said you wanted to do something meaningful, are you saying what I think you're saying? Is this the part where you finally tell us what you want to do?!

Yes, you impatient little fuck. Drumroll please…. 

Oh my god, just hurry up, dawg.

OKAY FUCK! I’ve been considering joining the Air Force. 

Doctor… she’s out again. YES, yes… I know, big fucking decision right there. But let me explain myself.

Since the day I was born, I swore to myself I would never, quite literally NEVER consider joining any branch of the military but, after looking into it (benefits and how it could tie in with my life overall) it seems like a reasonable choice. Obviously, I’m not just gonna speed dial the closest recruiter within range of me. I’m going to take some time to think about it because unfortunately a lot of decisions I make aren’t thought out and are made in the moment. And I mean, I really have to think this one through because the air force isn’t some fun program you try for a year and drop it once you’re uninterested. If I really decide to do this, I’m looking at 8 years minimum. 

We all know I’m no longer one for commitment but… What else am I gonna do? It’s exactly what I’m looking for. Delaying my enrollment in school, engaging myself in something meaningful and respectable, it’ll get my parents off my back for LIFE and show them that I’m not a total loser, it’ll give me basic military training along with weapon training and keep me physically fit. I mean how badass is that?

I dunno… It’s still just a thought for now but for the first time in my life I’m actually considering doing something to move myself forward. 

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Thanks for reading! Be sure to stay tuned for future uploads and tell your friends!

My name is Wendii Graves and this was Internet Ashtray ☆