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Speaking from my experiences, this has become extremely harmful to us.Â
With the fetishization of "goth gf" growing more and more it's important to talk about the fact that that's what it is. Simply a fetishization.Â
Because most of the time, the people doing it have actually 0 interest in being with one.Â
In my own experience, I dated someone for three years. His favorite thing about me was that I was his *tumblr looking gf*Â
He would tell me to dye my hair certain colors and wear certain outfits which I later learned was him recreating his favorite porn stars videos with me. Unknowingly. She was an alt girl but I won't name her bc I don't want to give her traffic from my trauma.Â
But he was actively cheating on me with a "regular" girl and having conversations like what do I do with a girl like that. You can't actually marry someone like that. So he did t even see me as a real partner.Â
Dates someone else. Again 3 years. This one was a little different because although his favorite thing about me was apparently my style and the way I looked and the fact that I "wasn't like everybody else"
He hated everything about me. He would make fun of me for watching anime, and made fun of me for every non-animated series I liked as well. He made fun of me for playing PlayStation, and also made fun of me for pretty much every game that I like to play on my PlayStation. If I would text him back like hey sorry I'm texting you in between games while I'm playing ______
I would never hear the end of how shitty that game is and I need to actually play good games.Â
This person would get in my car while I'm driving and playing my music and repeatedly tell me how every song sucks and how he hated it. He turned the music down, I'd turn it back up, and he'd turn it back down again.Â
Never took any interest into any of the hobbies or ventures that I wanted to try in fact he would make fun of them and call me weird or gross or whatever the case was. He also cheated on me it was also with a "normal" girl and when I read their messages he actively supported and enjoyed her hobbies or things that she was trying to get into.Â
These people who want "goth" girlfriends so bad don't actually like us. They want nothing to do with the lifestyle of an alternative person. I'm not the only person I know who's been in this situation. I Kno several other old people who have been in relationships with people who actually liked nothing about their personality or interests or what they wanted to do with their lives and literally were just accessories and liked for the way that they looked.Â
As much as I also partake in the goth girlfriend memes it's incredibly harmful and pretty much normalizing this abuse that we're going through dating people who want absolutely nothing to do with us beyond fetishization
Comments
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Oleque
I'm don't wanna downplay the issue at hand, but from what I've read it's more of a shitty partner problem than the fetishization. But I see your point. Fetishization is totally a thing nowadays, and such attitudes to alternative people seems to perpetuate from the fact that on sm like ig or tiktok you can't really tell between a person who is truly scene/goth/emo and people who just adopt a style. And "normies" start to think of it as just a style, so when they start dating an alt person they don't consider their partners interests.
I hope you are doing better now and found some1 who apreciates you for who you are
HeyYouBehindTheBushes
That sounds super shitty. Idk if the correct way of framing it is "stop fetishizing all goth girls...", since the real issue is a shitty person being shitty to another person for whatever reason. Hope you weren't in that relationship too long.
But it's not. It's a common occurring phenomena in the alternative/subgenre community as more and more mainstream people try to date us because of the fetishization going on.
Dating someone solely because you're attracted to them physically and sexually but not liking anything about them personally is sexual fetishization.
by Senya (Many Nights)
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D1xieN0rmus69
People need to learn that there is more to a person than what they see on the outside if they choose to be in a relationship with someone. As much as I find the goth girl look appealing I know I don't know anything about it beyond the apparel and like...Type O Negative I think lol. Unfortunately people forget that the internet only shows about someone what they want you to see and is not the basis of their entire lives.
Yeah, I agree with you. Like the same ppl who used to mock gothic people for being "freaks" or "weird" mysteriously start fetishizing "goth girls" now because it's suddenly cool and trendy while having no interest in the music or values of the subculture. It's hella weird
by spicy-sparklez; ; Report
Yep. They want you to look the part and then confirm to their interest only. Dress normal for their parents. Its dehumanizing
by Senya (Many Nights)
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