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I couldn't bare with it, I missed her, my whole body, my insides, every organ inside me did so, screaming her name, Lijuan, please come back or else I will die, please come back home, I miss you, that was an understatement, I could tear my skin off thinking about it, this yearning, this obsession, it was unhealthy, and I hated myself for that, where are you? do you miss me as much as I miss you?, God. The pain was unbearable, it was as if a million of centipedes were crawling under my flesh, eating away my judgement. I was quickly driven back into reality by daughter.

Mother!- She was in distress, looking down at her own mother laying on the side of the king-size bed- Mother, are you alright?!- I didn't even realized, my body was shaking, and the hand I had resting on my knee was piercing into me, dyeing my green dress a very deep red color.
I am... I just...- No, I was unable to look back at my daughter own eyes, I was not well, but If I told her the reason she would probably call me crazy, that I should let go for once; Oh, If only you could understand... no, I would not wish this kind of feeling even to my worse enemy, let alone my sweet child.

Ethan! Simonnè! Please come quickly! And bring with you some towels- she came closer and hold me by my shoulders, she was cold, like her soul left her body the second she entered my bedroom- Its all right, mother... please tell me, what's wrong? Did something happened? You can always tell me!- tears were pouring down her cheeks, some drops hitting my tensed hand, I started crying along, her sobs being much louder, which made me feel guilty to put her through this situation; she was mumbling something, caring words "everything will be alright, you will not feel pain, we are gonna take care of you". 

She hugged me tightly from behind, soon after both of my children arrived, they gasped very sharply, I could feel them, they came closer fast paced.
Mother...-Simonnè said almost whispering- This is about Mom... is it not?- when she said that, Joanne looked back at her, shocked.

Mother? Did something happened to Mom? Did you receive a letter.... no.. please... don't tell me...- I was ashamed to even say anything, your "Mom" was still healthy and well on the other side of the world, I must tell them or else they might think she perished!

No... everything is alright... it is just... I...-I couldn't finish, I was drowning on my own words.

You miss her... so do we... but we cannot do anything about it other than pray for her well being...-Ethan jumped into the conversation, his voice almost sounding like a ghost by how quiet he was- But please... do not hurt yourself!- he leaned forward, he wanted to reach me with his hand, but he stopped himself from doing so.

We should keep quiet...If the other were to find out...-I couldn't help but imagine the faces of my children, looking at me in this state, it sickened me, I relaxed my hand, blood was tinting the floor, Simonnè was quickly to place a few towels on my knees, I placed both of my hands in my face- I am sorry for worrying you... I just could not bare with this pain-

You came here running... I thought that Thomas did something to you... I was so scared. No, but that was impossible...- said Joanne, I could sense her heart beating very rapidly.