Explaining my Mind with a Blog [24.5]

hiiiiii,
it a me. how are youuu?
I've been thinking about this blog A LOT and the things I tend to say.

  in my mind, a lot of the things that are non-issue, turn into issues. what this means is that everything is dialed up to 1,000 for me no matter how big or small it is. if someone doesn't respond my mind goes into "THEY HATE ME" for no reason at all. it's not that I'm not a reasonable person with reasonable explanations, it's just out of my control, and my reason get's thrown out the window. so to combat this I write. writing down I feel in the moment allows me to slowly process them throughout the day and (hopefully) feel better by the time I go to sleep. the true problem with me is that I blame myself for most of it and if I'm not blaming myself, I'm isolating myself from the person or people I'm upset with. this can happen for a really long time, sometimes for months, but normally it's only for like a couple hours, or a day.

  back to my writing, I've been writing a lot more to actually work through my feelings, instead of just letting them fester, and letting myself wilt over the coarse of week. I seriously don't like being upset with the people in my life anymore. it just makes everything so dull and everything gets a bit harder. anyways, that's what this blog is, and that's what it's always been for. it's important to note I know what I can say may not be entirely true. like I said my mind over exaggerates everything which leads to me being dramatic. it's like hurting yourself with your mind.. it's weird. but it can tend to hurt others as well which I've come to realize with time. for some reason I always, and I mean always, think what I say, or do, doesn't matter at all. so it leads me to say things anyways. maybe in some cases that is true, but words do hurt others. that's why I made this blog in the first place, to have a little space away from anyone I knew, and to put my mental state to paper. I know that one of those things aren't true anymore, but I think it's better that way.

  writing helps me be happy. if I don't write I don't feel right. when I interact with my loved ones I want to be my best, not just show my best, or pretend to be okay. when I write I don't have  to pretend because I feel better afterwards. it's really hard to tell someone I'm not okay, it takes a lot, so this is the bridge. I'm working up to being better and writing helps me. I write A LOT more than what is shared on this blog, but nonetheless I am happy to have this place to write too. with this blog, with writing, I can treat my loved ones with kindness, and love. it's hard when daily lies are being created in ur mind about yourself, and the people around u, but I want to get through this.

as confusing as it probably is, I'll leave it here,
goodbye everyone, take care, drink something, eat something, and have a good day/night.