how to text wet

okay decided EVERYONE needs to see this<3

Number one: Spell out your words. Don’t hit people with “hru” like you're speedrunning English. Type a full sentence. A real one. 

Number two: Don’t say “just tired.” BABY WHY?? Give lore. Drop the backstory. “I slept 2 hours bc I was writng a fanfic,” GIVE SOMETHING.

Number three: react like a human. If someone tells you something funny, don’t respond with “lmao.” At least give an “LMAOO I CHOKED ON MY WATER.” Give visuals. Give a moment .

Number four: ask stuff back. It’s not an interrogation; it’s tennis. You hit the ball back or the convo dies 

Number five: talk about things you wanna do. Your goofy dreams count. “I wanna dye my hair questionable colors,” “I wanna learn how to crochet a duck,” anything.

Number six: talk about hobbies and random knowledge you learned. People love weird facts. Drop one. Make them go EXCUSE ME???

Number seven: match energy. If someone texts with sparkle, respond with sparkle If they text chill, be chill. Don’t be a wet cardboard plank when they’re giving sparkle.

Number eight: STOP TYPING LIKE A TIKTOK GYM BOY. No “wyd,” no “u good?” when you clearly don’t care. The bare minimum is ILLEGAL here.

Number nine: emojis are seasoning. Sprinkle some. Not too much. Just enough to stop looking like a tax form.

Number ten: give updates. “Bro a bird just flew into my window,”  “I think I accidentally summoned something.” Little life snippets keep convos alive.

Number eleven: don’t be scared to overshare in a fun way. Not trauma dumping, but like “I ate waffles for breakfast and tasted like grandma .” Humanize yourself.

Number twelve: compliment people in weird ways but that are true. “Your vibe radiates ‘would win in a zombie apocalypse.’” That’s how you make friends.

Number thirteen: for the love of everything, have a TONE. Use caps. Use “bro.” Use dramatic storytelling. Be a character. Dry people fear personality.

If we follow these, maybe we can save this app from becoming a digital desert. Hydrated wet juicy texting starts NOW I MEAN IT U LITTLE SCANDAL.