A rant from a femboy.

People really don’t talk enough about how ridiculously difficult it is to exist online as an actual fem­boy. Like hello?? I’m not some ethereal, otherworldly beauty. I don’t think I’m even above average, honestly. But for some reason it feels like it’s nearly impossible for people to believe I’m real whenever I show my face.

I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with my extreme femininity. I’ve always enjoyed playing around with gender expression and blurring the lines on purpose. I use masculine pronouns even though I look very feminine, but I’m never especially clear about my identity or my sex. I tell people I’m a cis boy, but there’s always that lingering “what if?”What if I’m lying? What I’m actually a chick trolling, or a trans boy, or a trans woman? I did that hoping that people would stop asking me about my genitals, and accepting me as who I am. What’s in my pants is basically only relevant to me and any doctor who has to deal with me. And obviously if I ever get a partner, I’ll tell him too but it hasn’t exactly been an issue yet. [crying in singleness]

And okay, maybe part of the confusion comes from my public Pinterest profile. Half my photos inevitably end up on those “cute­core ppl ><” pinboards because big dark eyes, dark hair and pale skin in a pink hoodie is labeled as that. But bro. It takes, like, three seconds to notice my TikTok tag plastered on almost all of my recent pics. It’s literally right there. Wouldn't I cover it up if I was scared of you finding out I'm lying???

Then, if they are smarte enough to realize I’m the one in those photos, the next accusation is always that I “heavily filter” everything.Look, If I were using filters, don’t you think I’d choose ones that hide my giant potato nose and my fuckass eye bags? Yes, my face looks different in some pictures, but it's because that’s how my bone structure works. I tried taking unfiltered pictures in every single angle and yes. Must be cause my nose looks flat on the front but is straight on the side, maybe it's my soft jawline and under chin fat? Idk, but that’s how I also look when I catch myself in the mirror. Every angle is more different that it should.

AND ALSO, people love accusing me of “Asian fishing.” Like, my brother in Christ, if anyone should be offended by this accusation it’s actual Asian people. Yes, I squint in photos a lot, but that’s literally because I’m insecure and don’t like how big and round my eyes are. I’m not doing it to mimic anything cultural. Everything is natural: my hair is naturally black, my eyes are naturally brown, my skin is pale because I’m constantly sick and never go outside, my face is naturally round, and I don't grow facial hair unless we're talking abbout peach fuzz... I don’t wear makeup (sensory issues, thanks autism) and I’m not trying to look like anything except myself but with squinted eyes.

And OH MY GOD. The people claiming I’m doing “cultural appropriation” for wearing Mezzopiano. I swear those people are going straight onto my BBL (bodies bucket list). I would understand if I were mocking something or deliberately trying to look a certain way, but I’m not. I’m literally just wearing cute clothes. That’s it. 

So really: what’s the problem? Is the online catfishing situation actually so bad that people can’t accept a real, feminine-looking boy existing without assuming I’m lying? I don’t know man.

I hate my stupid baka life >:(