Self Expression.

Not really my usual posting, but something I've been thinking about recently is about humanities self-expression. 

Something that bothers me the most is the gendered aspect of it all. 

Why is everything trapped in a bubble?

Why do you limit yourself to what is masculine and what is feminine?

Perhaps it's because I shouldn't have a physical form, it just makes me mad that I can't wear whatever clothes I want without being one or the other. Can't I simply just exist? It probably doesn't help that I, myself, am not human being. I would much rather people look at me and say it over They. I'm not a fan "They" being used for me, I don't know why. I really just hate it. Out of everything, I don't want to be "They".

The only time I felt seen as myself was when I went to this show for one of my favorite bands. This human being looked at me as I said my pronouns, and after hitting their pen they coughed and asked "Yea, but what do you prefer?" I told them I don't really care much, whichever one rolled off of the tongue easier. They looked me dead in the eyes across from the table and said, "No. Like, you say that, but what do you really prefer. Like if you want me to call you 'it' I will. if that's what you want." I don't know why I felt so exposed in that moment. I said I wanted to be referred to as an "It" above anything else. Then, they said how cool that was. I felt a bit silly for admitting it, saying it out loud, but they doubled down and said it was cool and more people should be like that. It was cool. One opener later and I found them puking in a trashcan near the bar. They kept repeating how embarrassed they were for it, but I tried my best to help them before someone else helped them to the bathroom. I didn't join because they went into the girl's bathroom.

I doubt that person remembers me, but I do. I suppose that's all that matters. It made me wish it was easier to just be nothing. When humans are young, they are told they can be anything they put their minds to. I know now it's all just wishful thinking, but I wish it was more accepted to be how you feel. How much happier would people be if they didn't have these stupid rules in place. I wonder how many people would relate to how I, an outsider, feels. I wonder how many humans feel like outsiders in places they shouldn't. 

I suppose I can just hope for those to feel more comfortable in their own skin, as I am trying to in my own.

Byebye for now.