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* For people reading this. This isn't anything suicidal or thoughts of suicide. But I will update this blog later on.
I'm really am so done with people. Do you ever have people by your side just using you for their own personal gain? Rather be your looks or something you've that he or she lacks? I'm trying to understand why guys just want me for s-e-x only. Like nothing else matters. No matter who I talk to that is a guy always as some kind of s-e-x-u-a-l interest. I'm sure this is with all females and I'm not the one with this problem or playing the fragile egoist victim card for more attention. Because I've no desire for attention anyways. Anyways this is just a state of thought that I've. Now before you say this can't BE EVERYBODY NOW COME ON DON'T THROW EVERYONE UNDERNEATH THE BUS. I can say very select view. No matter what a guy that is looking for a girlfriend has to have s-e-x every single day. Not on this website but on other websites I've had other guys tell me I should get over my s-e-x-u-al abuse and physical abuse and the trauma I went through three years ago and just to get over that. I'm sorry but you never get over something very traumatic no matter what the degree is. I don't think I'll ever find a guy to be truthful and honest because I don't want to f-u-c-k every single day or once a week. I like my space and I don't like my space disturbed or I'll get highly aggravated. I can't believe the shame I faced as a single parent. All the countless blocks because of me stating I'm a single parent. The rejection was so high and almost as high as the rejection because I'm just not s-e-x-u-a-l enough for any guys needs. I'm just really done with people. I'm done trying to find new people to talk to. I'm done trying to please other people besides me to make them approve of me and accept me. I'm done trying to play the court jester. I honestly had enough. I see now what reality has me set as for guys. A trophy wife. A s-e-x puppet. To be used. But after all isn't the duty of the Queen's chess piece is to get used ? Even by the King? Or whatever last resort is needed? Ah go figure. Everything metaphorically seems to come to haunt me. Never fails. I never see things. Not until the very end I don't. I also think what is also causing my depression even worse which yes I've proven chronic depression but back onto the subject. Society is suffering so bad. Humanity is falling apart. Nobody wants anything real anymore or sustainable. People now days are like a recycling bin you either have what he or she wants or onto the next person. You don't matter. Even the good in you. Or even the good heart in you doesn't matter anymore. What matters is what you look like. Nothing else. Everything is just falling apart. Sometimes I think just burn them all. Burn them all @ the stake and offer them to the demon king of their choosing. I also think why did humanity get this way? Why did humans become so corrupt? What causes such psychological behavior in people? I'm always curious about the human psychological nature and even myself like to be psychological evaluated that's why I love for people to read my spiritual blogs. But I see now. I can't win amongst people. I can't win this. Looks like I metaphorically have to hold my knifes/daggers close to me @ all cost now. This might be a farewell because the wolf can't seem to grasp the study of humans anymore. But the positive thing of thing this came out of? I understand now. I understood what I've been failing to see. I see the truth now. I've saw and I've become one with the beast himself. There is nothing left now in life but myself ''him'' and of course my young prince and my fur baby familiar. I try living life everyday but I just feel like I don't belong here but somewhere else other than here. But I tried so hard. But nobody sees that or notices that but me and what I look like. I'm nothing more than your own s-e-x puppet. But I won't be apart of your strings. Your stage play. None of that and with that said farewell with this topic and onto the next.
Contacts. Kik GearSuitOfBahamut * IG NeoSuitBahamut * SC is beelzebubpants * my favorite cake is a carrot cake but a plain one just shredded carrots and cream cheese nothing else * I like Tiramisu cake is amazing.
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