i dont wanna do anything anymore

i lwk dont feel like doing anything atp, like i dont even wanna be alive anymore

my boyfriend is gonna be grounded for a while so now i just dont really know what to do

it feels like i cant live without him being here and i wanna kms it feels so hopeless without him its like i lost my will to live completely even though i know he'll be back eventually

i know that i'm codependent and this whole thing is super unhealthy for both me and him but i think he's the greatest person on this planet, he's perfect. I don't want him to leave me behind, I don't want him to talk to anyone else. I know that makes me seem crazy but I'm so scared of being abandoned that I'd rather neither of us ever talk to anyone else ever again. 

I hate feeling like this so much, it makes everything difficult for me. I love him so much, I wanna protect him from everything bad in the world. I don't wanna feel like this anymore I'm so sick of it but at the same time all I want is to talk to him and be with him. 

I know that this relationship is unhealthy. But I can't help but want to be with him and only him, I want us the run away and never talk to anyone but each other. I want it so bad.

sorry 4 yapping sm this entry thing.....