The Answer?... ("Thing's are harder to say, when they go unsaid.")

"My Life is like a Movie."-

I always thought my life was some kind of sick joke.. 

Well, not always.. There were some good times... The good times..

When I was a kid. I was fascinated with the world, and all its glory.. I basically grew up glued behind a screen... which probably wasn't the best... But frankly, I don't think it would've made much of a difference...

But I like thinking back... 

I liked it. when I was young, real young... The — "Didn't know anything" — stupid kind of young... y'know, when you're still getting ahold of things... My first birthday was so strange... Being a baby... And a cookie monster themed cupcake... Well, It was quite My birthday. But I still remember the fondness. And Sometimes I wonder to myself, "how did I even make it this far."

I guess I use to sleep walk a whole ton, I would crawl off n' get lost.. And wined up somewhere silly. Like under a table, in a bush, under a car.. n' other place I most likely forgot about...

But... Oh, Boy! did I get mischievous... My Mom was never able to keep me still for long, I was so obnoxious, bouncing off the walls I would bare terrible grief to with my "Ambition for arts". 

I must've given my Mom such a hard time, scribbling n' smearing shit on the walls... She was tough though, she was able to do. I pissed in her fridge one time and  being covered in mud on a swing eating corn on the cob... "I wonder why that one stuck?.."

 I remember sneaking out this one time, I must've been like 5 years old. And I remember these 2 little girls.. just my age... I snuck them cold hotdogs I smuggled from my house... They were so nice, and charming.. I knew as a little snot nosed child, that I was into girls... sneaking out of the house to sneak some glizzy for the gals. (I'll stop now...)

but I really was a brat at times...

I always remember crying a lot.. I knew that getting attention got me a lot of things,  Ironically, I was about 6-7 years old at this time...

How hilarious...

I think that's about the age everything started to 'clock' to me... I remember The hour of my 7th birthday... I remember it so vividly, I couldn't really tell what was going on at the time.. I just remember being in the backseat of my Mom's car... it was late at night, I can't remember where we were coming from... 
I just remember that car ride... I remember being so little, strapped down in my booster seat... It was dark.. I remember hearing her voice in the front seat, she was trying to hype me up. I can't remember if I reacted, I probably didn't. 

probably didn't budge at all... but that neither hear nor there...

My Mom, she is a wonderful lady.. I can surely see where I get it from.. I guess people to see my mom the way that I do? ehh, I dunno... "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess?"
But I assure you there were some wonderful times... The few times.. she was able to muster up the time and effort to spend time with me... But I get it.. Grown ups have better things to do, than play with a baby.. or a 6 year old? what am I talking about again?...

Right... My Mom, I finally turned 7... I can't tell what had just happen but my Mom suddenly stopped.. Frankly, it kind of startled me.. There were like these lights like Christmas, like the places Mom take me during the Winter.. But they were different.. Red n' Blue, "The Ol' Cherries n' Berries"
To be honest, I was disappointed.. I thought perhaps santa may of wanted to loop back around for my birthday and bring me a second christmas... But it was just some no face... And he was holding me and my mom up.. I really just wanted to go to sleep...

So I had no choice other than to sit their and wait... Kinda broke my Immersion... I guess my mom was pulled over for "driving under the influence." whatever that means, I guess...

I guess the rest of my childhood was more of a blur... We were moving a lot, jumping house, from hou- there were a lot of houses... I wasn't able to make much friends because of this... Never staying at a school long enough to complete a semester... But I guess it's on me, I skipped class, skipped school... I didn't think it mattered.. It didn't matter to me...

But one house stook out to me from the rest — I can't tell if it was haunted or what not. But that place was evil... A dead raccoon, haunted... by a ghost I think? I remember freaking out real bad one time... I started seeing shit... Evil, shit... it felt like I was in hell...

But something always kind of stuck to me.. That attention, perhaps that would help me get some friends... and it did... There were some, many throughout the year... but people, they come they go... But that didn't matter to me.. Things may seem shitty, but they'll surely get better.. In a hope that things with change for the better.



I was always very lonely... I guess it was by choice... But the constant yearning for something... — For someone? I was waiting around... and waiting, and waited... I've waited for years, and waited through my childhood... I had some activates, and did some things...

But I don't want to sound ungrateful. Matter of the fact, I was very grateful... 


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Hidden in plain sight