nightwalker.

Dedicated to Mika. I hope you read this, somehow, even though the chances of you ever finding this are astronomically small.

Nightwalker.

I lay awake at night restless. I think of you every waking hour. I dream of you the few chances my insomniac body can manage to fall asleep.

I walk alone at night. My boots hit the ragged road, vulcanized rubber and leather on asphalt in desperate need of repairs. I walk and I think. I walk and I stare. I think of you when I walk. I stare up at the night sky, as dark as ebony. The stars guide me. The moon casts it’s silvery glow upon my world and my eyes open.

You make me want to tear my hair out. I love you. I’ve been loving you. There are, so many expressions, so many feelings, so many thoughts that I wish could escape the depths of my mind. Alas, poor Yorick. My mouth fails to say the words which remain lodged in my throat, coming out as a hacking cough. My hands fail to write the words I know I must say to you. I love you.

We’ve said that so many times I’ve lost count. And each time it strikes me like a hot iron. Each time it brands me. I confess, truly, I do, that as much solace those words bring me, I’m struck with just as much grief. I say those three words with the utmost conviction. I cannot tell if you do the same.

I need to know. Do you love me? Is it true? Or am I just wasting my time and yours, again.