journal entries 7/5/25, 7/14/25

Journal entries from July, my religious crisis and my month of fruit-eating hippie-like melancholic joy trance.

Slightly edited.

7/5/25

"The most base human instincts that aren't essential to the survival of the human race are to love and to create. This is because we were made in God's image, and love and creation were the main things that God did, nearly the only things.

The world is a song (everything is a frequency) and I want to hear it. Similarly, the body is the most beautiful, important, complicated, organized, and harmonious part of nature, but it contains repeated patterns from the rest of the universe. Spirals, sequences, folds, cracks, you could create the entire universe with the human body and vice versa. Visualize yourself in your surroundings in your head, and erase the lines. You are the world. Your soul is the size of the world. You are the universe experiencing itself. You are God's way of living?

Remember that God made us on purpose. Live for experiences.

Everything in history has happened between the creation of the world and now."

7/14/25

"Today I've had the rare joy of being up at sunrise. I walked upstairs to see if the sun had risen yet and fantastically, I caught it in the act. I spent a few minutes sitting on the living room floor watching the bats fly around the newly-born sky, in the blue between the last, bright morning star and the burning sunrise behind the trees. Then, as quietly as possible, I snuck into the garage and out the back door, onto the mini-deck to watch the revealing sun light up the trees into their bright green daytime layers. I ate a plum and stared at the fresh sky, feeling like an animal, like Eve witnessing the first morning. This entry is a prayer to the God that created this world. the beautiful, glistening world. I am writing this now in the kitchen at 5:58 underneath the lights above the stove. Hopefully today will be a good day. Amen."