Zombies are the worst thing humanity has ever created.

I need to vent before my brain melts from sheer irritation

I HATE zombies.

Not “dislike.”

Not “they’re not my thing.”

I mean deep, visceral, soul-level hatred for anything involving the undead that shambles, moans, or smells like it crawled out of a discount Halloween prop bin.

Zombies are the most boring, lazy concept to ever plague horror media.

“oOoH, wHaT iF tHe DeAd wErE aLiVe”

Please.

My eyes rolled so hard I saw my past mistakes.

Every movie, every show, every game that features zombies acts like they’re the peak of terror.

They’re not.

They’re walking meat puzzles with the personality of wet cardboard.

And don’t get me started on the aesthetics.

Rotting flesh?

Grunting noise?

Grey-green color palette that looks like someone spilled sewage on everything?

Pass.

People say, “But Vincent, zombies represent societal collapse, fear of infection, blah blah metaphor”

Yeah, I don’t care.

Pick a better metaphor.

Literally anything else.

Here’s the part that really gets me

Why do zombies have entire fandoms?

Why are we glorifying creatures whose biggest character trait is failing to stay dead properly?

There’s no elegance.

No mystery.

No style.

Just decay on legs.

And the oversaturation?

Please.

If I have to see one more trailer with a gritty voice saying something like, “The world has changed… they’re everywhere,” I’m going to combust from secondhand embarrassment.

I want horror with teeth, not drool.

I want monsters with motives, not cargo pants full of fungal infections.

Zombies suck.

Their stories suck.

Their aesthetic sucks.

And if I never see another piece of media dedicated to them, it will be too soon.

If that offends zombie fans,

good.

Maybe you’ll think twice before recommending me another “post-apocalyptic survival series” with all the originality of soggy toast.

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