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im trying to lose weight. ive been exercising and eating more moderately.
it's been about 4-5 months and I can't say I've made much progress but I've made some progress.
lately ive noticed something.
i hate feeling like i don't deserve the food i eat and i often don't in this place.
I don't know.
i remember moments like when i took a second piece of pork chop then my grandfather sitted far away told me i was eating too much. i skipped breakfast that time. there were also 5 pieces of porkchop left.
i hate this goddamn family.
it's not that they're mean to me. in fact, they've taken care of me and gave me a place to stay and stuff. i am grateful.
but there's probably something wrong with me. i feel like i cant be anything here. i hate going downstairs. everyone is completely indifferent to me.
i can't wait to get out of here but i don't really have anywhere else to go.
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catduck
The food thing sounds awful, of course you deserve food just as every living organism to ever exist does. As for the wanting to get away from family thing I think thats normal. Wanting to be away from family does not inherently mean you dislike them it probably just means that you want to be free to experience more of the world by yourself or something. But yeah dont worry I am sure one day sooner or late you will be free.
✮ Jay ✮
i hate when family members do that. Just know that u do deserve it and legit who cares if u get a second pork chop? Esp if there was extra after bc who are they cooking the food for then? some people love it when u go for seconds (or even thirds) bc it means ur enjoying the food! Unless they dont have enough, i dont get why people stop others from doing that,
Im sorry that they're indifferent to u, they may give u a place to live but if u feel that way there's something lacking. Family does not only mean giving u things and necessities, but also love and care, and u should be able to feel it. dont blame urself bc even if it was somehow ur fault, they should be communicating that to u. U can self-reflect and see if there may be something ur doing wrong, but dont be too self-critical bc it may become too extreme and unhealthy. I try to keep this in mind for everything, not just relationships with others but myself too!
And dw, u'll find ur place when u leave even tho for now it doesn't seem like it. U'll find ur way! I believe in u, u got this!