uhhh im a bad person

im lowkey a horrible person because sometimes i dont care if i hurt peoples feelings with my words or opinions or things i do, like i understand im still a minor but sometimes when i feel a certain way i dont reallty feel like myself and it feels like somebody else is fully controlling my thoughts feeling and actions, like i hurt someone i was close with awhile ago when i was in a really bad spot and i talked crap about them and their boyfriend

(okay intermission, the story was that their boyfriend was being really shitty to them but especially to me because the boyfriend was jealous and thought i wanted the friend when i didnt and it was stressing me out because the friend was contsantly coming to me to comaplin then not taking my advice and i needed to vent about it)

and so when something would happen and i was stressed i would go to a gc i had with two friend i was close with (my kismesis and my bestfriend at the time)and got my feeling out, basically commenting on things the friend would say and talk crap about the friends boyfriend, and then the gc got leaked aaannnddd the friend saw everything i was saying.

but for some reason i just could muster the courage to like care? like i was so out of it at the time i genuinly just didnt care for anything the friend had to say or that they were hurt because i was so stressed and angry myself at the fact they would never listen to me and i had no way to vent because my mom wont get me a therapist.

i just wish i could be a normal person because my disorders really fuck everything up for me and its hard to want to be around me