ive lived a life of so much shame

I believe I'm having a panic attack right now. It has become a very large occurrence specifically from August, and that was mainly when school started. All my life the work I did was never enough to anyone; there was always more they wanted, more I could do. Perhaps they were right, perhaps I was capable of so much more than I did. But I never did it. The people I chose to spend time with never ended up sticking, and while I know it's a constant for your circle to be in ebb and flow, I haven't found a group to be comfortable in. Constant decisions as such have led me to the place I am currently, and my life isn't over, it's just not what I could have done. I'm ill-prepped for my goals and I'm unsure whether I can even accomplish the things I set out to do right now. I've been an awful friend, son, brother, partner, to so many people. I've been so selfish and inconsiderate, especially to my sister. I'm so happy she's finally living an inkling of what she wanted, but every day I'm here I feel like I've only robbed opportunities from her with nothing to show for it. Whenever my parents call nowadays my heart immediately jumps out of fear over what might have occurred. My past was one so full of shame. Full of shame, yet I don't regret. I just hope I can make it even now.