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Did you know your body could decide that it had enough of your brain and shut it down? I had no idea.
I thought I was lazy, I was struggling to put words together and struggling to remember things. My head constantly hurts from trying.
Today, the helpline counsellor told me I was dissociating and it is weird. Because, I read about these mental states and even though I find then relatable, I never believe I am going through it. "I must be faking it", let's keep going.
This had worked till' now. "Nevermind, let's keep going". Now it doesn't, I don't know what is different.
I don't know who I am or why I like what I like or what I am supposed to be doing. I don't know why I look like I look. I am not even sad about it, just numb and confused, like I'm floating around.
I have never taken any illicit substance, not even smoked a cigarette or been super drunk. Still, my brain has come up with pulses of fog.
I had no idea this was possible. My body is sedating me.
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Vivi !
Your brain tries to say you're faking, wave it off, or make it seem like it is 'not real' to protect you. I've been there before, when I got diagnosed with a dissociative disorder I struggled a lot since I was still in that state, even then. I hope that you are able to do better- grounding can be hard, but it does get a little bit better with some techniques and time. It is just hard to get out of the initial 'i can ignore it' stage
Thank you! It is indeed difficult to jump that initial hoop
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