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Hey guys, I just need to get some stuff off of my chest.
I'd been with my girlfriend for roughly 10 months and she broke up with me this monday. It started with her telling me she wasn't sure if she could be with me much longer due to how horrible my mental state was, and she was so worried about me + so involved in stuff to the point where she was more a caregiver/helper than my partner, that it got way too much for her. I haven't been able to eat or sleep properly, and when she officially broke up with me, I almost killed myself. A friend of mine got me to safety on time, but it was a really rough experience. During those days I've been in pure panic, living in a constant fight or flight mode which has been, and still is, so incredibly exhausting. I've been spamming her a lot, ranging from begging her to stay to just wanting to know why, or if there was some way to fix it. We eventually managed to talk it out well enough, with her setting boundaries which I'm doing my absolute best to respect. I'm still finding it difficult to not message her about stuff, and it's going to take a while to unlearn.
The thing is that, apart from still being unable to cope, I have a feeling that there is a chance of me having BPD. I'm planning on getting that checked out once I have a psychiatrist/therapist, which I'm on a waiting list for. But with the intense emotions, the inability to regulate them and the self destructive and harmful behaviors seem to line up with the research I did about BPD and breakups. During the relationship there were definitely also overlapping signs, and we did apply some tips we found online. If anyone can share their perspective, please do! I absolutely don't want to self diagnose, but I do want to get out of this depressive spiral as soon as possible. I already have a different psychiatrist, but they have a very select thing they specialize in, which this doesn't fall under. That's why I'd really appreciate if anyone who's maybe been through something similar, to share their tips and tricks :3
Thanks for reading!
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♡ jovi 🐹
honestly 18 is still young for a solid BPD diagnosis. youre still a teenager and your hormones are still haywire which makes it more difficult to diagnose BPD. thats why professionals wait until around at least 20ish to feel comfortable making that diagnosis
definitely not saying you can't/don't have it! at the very least, you could have some of the traits but not enough of them to have BPD. i have DID with BPD traits, and i used to think i had BPD when i was around your age/a little older, but turns out it was just because of my complex trauma that i was displaying traits of it
BPD is notoriously hard to get (correctly) diagnosed, a lot of professionaly unfortunately arent very educated on it and arent willing to diagnose it. i think there's also currently discussion on whether BPD and C-PTSD are the same thing, since BPD stems from trauma
*and their symptoms are extremely similar
didnt mean to post yet of course i only had a fraction of a sentence to finish
by ♡ jovi 🐹; ; Report