My Birthday is Sunday

My birthday is Sunday & am I happy about it? Truth be told it's just another day & another year. I'm turning 26 but I should be at least excited for it right? I mean it's a new year as they say the year changes "New Year, New Me" but whoever came up with that tf? I mean people change, feelings change , people fall in and out of love. What has happen to me. Am I terrible person for feeling like my life has fallen apart or am I just fucked up person for feeling like this. I just can't seem to snap out of it. I've been basically depressed since I was 9 years old I still can't find "myself" between work & college I let myself go and I can't seem to find me again. All I want to do is sleep and eat my emotions away and not seem to give a fuck anymore. But damn I failed myself everyday..