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december third, 2025 

mood: maggot by slutever 

status: alive-ish 

🤍  🤍  🤍  🤍  🤍

i took my dog for a walk today. i thought maybe it would be nice, the weather’s been nice, but he just kept barking and barking and tugging on the leash. he kept chewing on it, too, like he was trying to break free. sometimes i wonder if he resents me, like im keeping him trapped or something. i dunno. he rolls up into a ball and cuddles next to me when im working and it makes me feel guilty, because he’s always crying and whining, i cant tell if he’s in pain. either way we cant afford another vet bill.

the rest of the day was. fine. i hate myself more and more each day, the more work i don’t get done, the more deadlines i pass. i was sick for a week or so and missed a bunch of important assignments and now i have a d and i don’t have the time to work on it. i don’t know what im too busy doing. i don’t do shit. i’m trying hard but it’s hardly trying. 

other than that, we have a concert tomorrow, and it’s about damn time. i don’t have anything else worthwhile going on, so yeah, it’s nerve-racking, but i think i’ll make it through. i’ve been practicing. sorta. it’s pretty easy, i don’t quite have to. the only thing bothering me is i feel like im being watched, in class, specifically. i look around and no one’s looking at me, maybe its the kid behind me. i just hope it rains again. xoxo 

-roko