proses proses for dessert! (3)

the gears in my mind doesn't work anymore.
do you think i broke myself?
with all my choices and traumas.
do you think i'll need help to fix it?

am i too far gone?
do you think i still have hope?
will i look dumb if i pick myself back up?
i hate looking and feeling stupid.

i have no redeeming qualities besides being smart.
im not pretty.
i dont have socially accepted traits.
i dont know.

sometimes i can but all the time i just cant.
some days when my sanity is high, i feel normal.
i feel too much on those days.
feel like the worlds under my feet. its so weird.

most days though, i feel deflated.
an empty husk, only the void and expanding emptiness.
i am naked with my feet bound and arms shackled.
im at the worlds' mercy and im helpless and in despair.

I want to cry, to sob, to wail, to scream loud.
I want to grieve the person that I once was...
I'm drowning in nostalgia and can't swim up.
I want to let go and move on so atleast maybe, I can finally be free and piece myself together so I can stand back up.