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12/03/25
being someone who would genuinly do anything for a boyfriend is so draining and its ruining my life. I am basically in a parasocial relationship with a certain NHL player and its not the type where im like stalking him or im like camped outside of his apartment building but its the type where i genuinly just want him to love me because i just crave the feeling of being in a romatic relationship. It is so embarassing saying that im in love with someone who doesnt even know that i exist and that id do anything for him but its true and its genuinly draining me. everytime i see a post with him and his girlfriend i get so jealous and upset because its all i want. I just want someone to think that im theirs and that im all they want. he looks happy with his girlfriend but i cant help but be overcome with jealousy and hate and have thoughts like "he would be happier with me" or "i deserve him" and i feel so gross and horrible because they're just this random couple enjoying their life and im some loser ass teenage girl who loses all of her self respect when she sees him.
everyday whenever i open my phone i hope that i dont see his face on the hockey account because it makes me feel like shit whenever i remember that hes in a happy relationship with someone who isnt me.
please dont be rude if you are replying because i cant deal with rude comments ontop of this. i just want a connection with someone and i just want someone to love me. i am not crazy and im not a stalker or anything like that and i wouldnt ever go as far as that. i need someone to help me.
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A_L0B0TIMIZ3D_ANG3L
I feel like I get that. I did something with a person at my old school once because I watched how they were with their boyfriend and got supper jealous for wayyy to long. I think it can be helpful to figuring out what you want out of a relation ship but incredibly draining like you said. Especially when you know you have to look so weird to people around you. Maybe its just cause I'm not exactly well sorted out in the head but its so hard to even get a s/o, especially one that works out or is how you want.
I don't like to say it ever "feels like settling" but it feels incredibly disheartening. And I feel like the disheartened feeling only makes it worse, like a circle effect. One causes the other, making both worse?
♡ jovi 🐹
girl this is like.... semi-normal? you want a good relationship, you find this guy attractive, even though you know its not gonna happen that doesnt mean you can control your feelings. even the jealousy. you know its irrational, and thats good. that means you can work on it. like you arent the only person to ever have had a crush on a celebrity or public figure, you're not the first ever person to deal with these feelings. i mean that in a comforting way, not a dismissive way. is it weird and unhealthy? it can be. its also normal. emotions are normal. desire is normal. youre not doing any harm by being attracted to him and feeling jealous of his relationship, as long as you arent actually going out of your way to be a creep
this really made me feel better, ty <3
by desparateyouth; ; Report
<333
by ♡ jovi 🐹; ; Report