"Oh wait this is actually pretty fucked up" moment

Have you ever had a moment when you're about to laugh about an interaction only to immediately realise the implications of it?

It just happened now for me. I wanted to share this with someone, but I don't really know anyone who would really care. I'm posting this here mostly because I know that probably one or two people might stumble upon this. I'm an awful storyteller, bear with me while I turn a five-minute interaction into a very long description of events.

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December 2, 2025. (23:42)

For context, I'm studying in another city and living “alone”. Luckily for me, the government covers my tuition and my family supports me with rent, so even if we're considered low income, I still feel privileged. I'm visiting my family soon, so my food drawer is almost empty now. However, I miscalculated and ended up with some tortillas and portions of meat that I cannot eat by myself. Throwing away the food wouldn't be wise, so I decided to make some burritos and give them to some homeless people around here (nothing fancy, I ended cooking like five or four of them, but I took my time to make them taste decent).

In theory, finding someone to give food wasn't hard. The area I'm located in is mostly for students, so you know there's going to be that ambience of chaos around here. The city is not really safe overall, and even though this is not the most dangerous neighbourhood, you can still hear horror stories on the daily. Unless you're really insane, you wouldn't go outside alone in this zone at this time and during the week. But I was on a mission (and I'm stupid too, that gives you balls sometimes), I headed out with only the food, a jacket, and my phone hidden somewhere in my 12 pockets.

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 Whenever I go to places like this, I usually dress simpler and bring my pocket knife, but I got out in a rush, and I was too lazy to go back. Before coming to this city, I knew that popular areas tend to have a lot of homeless people around, specially the zones near touristic spots, restaurants, and universities. Nevertheless, I was still shocked at the difference in quantity of these groups. At first, you think it's annoying to have to be alert at all times while avoiding eye contact in order not to piss people off. Then you actually have a look at all the faces and realise the amount of children, elders, and innocent people that have been forced into those circumstances. 

After living here you begin to hear stories of friends that were drugged, threatened and almost killed in these areas. But you also hear other stories like teachers recognizing their students on the street, stories about children that were born with addictions and lifelong sicknesses and have no help available. People that once couldn't pay rent and suddenly got stuck into that situation. You realise that even for the slightest mistake, that could be you. I'm not justifying violence and crime, just reminding people that not everyone without a roof over their head is evil or chose to live like that.

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Coming back to the story, I was low-key regretting my decision. All I could see in those dark streets were isolated groups of drunk people and the type of homeless guys you definitely do not want to approach. So I just stood there, wondering which way was the least dangerous one to take. After almost walking to the worst place ever (and turning back after hearing a fight and recognizing that one smell that lingers around in these places) I spotted an older man carrying his things in a plastic sack across the street. He looked sane enough, so I waited for him to cross. He didn't cross, therefore I decided to be the one to cross first. He crouched facing the other way and started rummaging in his sack. This didn't seem odd, even though he really took his time. When the light was green, he crossed. Awesome, that meant we could meet in the middle, right? 

No, he completely avoided me and walked through the bus lane.

I was weirded out so I walked up to him and said something along the lines of  “My guy, hey, I made some food, would you like some?” and he kind of flinched before taking in what I said. Then the mood completely changed. He was very thankful and started saying stuff to me that I didn't really register (could have been his slurred speech or my hearing problems, or both). One thing I did actually understand, he apologized because he thought I was “one of those guys”.

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I'll give him that, I was covering my head and I don't really have the friendliest face ever, but like c'mon I'm 1.67 (not even 5'6, for the American folks), and I definitely looked at least a bit anxious to be there. How threatening can I be?. 

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He wished me some blessings and we went our ways. After this interaction, I laughed a bit, because people (especially vulnerable people) don't really see me as someone dangerous. Older women usually find me endearing and polite, older men too, although they might throw a slur once in a while. Children and foreigners trust me enough to ask for help. So why was that poor grandpa scared of me?

Then it hit me. The type of people to prey on them is not limited to people in their same situation, it's frequently someone with power. It's those people, mostly young guys, that seem normal and moral to their families, friends and teachers, but find pleasure in hitting and humiliating the weak. He wasn't fearing a normal thug, he was fearing a psychopath. And judging how fucking scared he was when I approached him, he has definitely encountered some before.

In other circumstances, it could have been me who tried to avoid him on the street because he could have been a threat. It just goes to show how we constantly live in fear, and how that affects how we see our world and our sense of community.

Still, don't let fear and hatred change you. I'm going to bed, still disturbed, but glad to have done a tiny act to lighten someone's day. If someone happens to be reading this, then have a good night/day. Remember to eat, drink water, say hi to your loved ones, etc.

Goodbye, and sorry for the bad English. I'm still not used to this language punctuation.