litost

once again i find myself writing on this app with the hope that someone will listen to me and genuinely understand

it pains me to reflect on the perpetual state of laziness and sloth ive been in for the past 2 years, but people keep telling me that self-reflection is a major step in recovery, so i guess thats what im doing

i dont want to talk too much about myself on here, thats what my journal is for, but recently the sanctity of said journal has been (i dont know any words that can describe it). my dad was upset at me for not wanting to spend thanksgiving sitting in his house all week, so he went through my journal. he couldnt read most of it since the first 150 pages are in code, but he still read some stuff. 

he thinks that parental alien is going to make me hate the woman who raised me while he fled with his tail between his legs to georgia because he couldnt leech off my moms income and continue playing video games for extended periods of time (8-10 hours) under the guise of "babysitting me"

(he literally just wouldnt get up, he had a piss jug next to the couch. he also wouldnt feed me unless he was hungry, which was unlikely because that meant he had to get up)

also

recently i was in the living room (which is rare) and my stepmom walked in with my toddler sister. she (my sister) pointed at me, said "SISSSYYYY!!!" and waved. I waved back, and upon seeing this interaction, my stepmom rushed to stop my sister from waving at me and gave me a dirty look. i was pretty angry, so i quickly made my exit and sulked in my room for the rest of the night. i harbor a heavy amount of empathy for my stepmom, given her situation, but i dont understand why she wont talk to me. ive never hurt her or done anything that suggests i wanted to hurt her, ive never even been rude to her. i just want her to like me but no matter what i do she always seems to hate me

bye

-R/M