Recovering my girlhood♡

Kind of a rant (some swears)

i'm going back into my girlhood which means i'm currently making up for all the years i spent not wanting to be grouped in with "the other girls", when i lied about not liking pink because it's "too girly" or when i stopped wearing all my girly clothes because it's "too much", i spent so many years of my life avoiding the clothes, and the music, and the movies, and the shows, and the art styles, and the magazines, and the hobbies, truth is i'm just like the other girls, i like pink, i like make-up, i like lana del rey and laufey and mitski and bebadabadobe, yes i know how to pronounce her name, i like watching shit rom-coms from the 2000s, i like corny love songs, i like the hot girl with a pink cropped top and the slick knee-high boots and the trashy blue eye shadow and the messy lipstick and her multi-coloured hair all pinned up in a ponytail, i don't care the main girl didn't like her even if i like her too, even if i like her baggy pants and the ripped band tees and the lack of make up and the trashy dyed hair, they both look so fucking cool, i dont want to be as just some stupid broad because i wore make-up or an attention whore because i wore a tight dress, i like barbie and bratz and monster high and sanrio and sanx and mlp and bluey, i don't care if their kid shows they bring me the joy and happiness you failed to provide, i wanted to be a girl boss but whenever i saw anything about that the girls all dressed in men's suits and talked in a deep voice and i still like that but i just want to see one girl in a position of power with bright pink on and talking in feminine language, i like feminine music and feminine art and feminine games and feminine interests, i like masculine music and masculine art and masculine games and masculine interest but that's the only kind i can i like with not being fucking shamed for, i like resident evil and i like realism and i like the baggy man clothes and big man boots and i also like stardew valley and cartoony or chibi art and tight pink dresses and shiney heels maybe even more then the other stuff but every fucking time i say that i'm just a bimbo or doing it for guys, maybe i just like girly things, maybe i was just a little girl who though art on the face looked fucking cool and didn't think anybody would care but clearly she was wrong and now i can't like hello kitty in public or else i'm a crazy hello kitty girl who can't live without her sanrio fix and i can't like five night at freddy in public or else i'm a pick me who doesn't actually like the games or the comics even though i've been here liking both of these since the goddamn beginning i'm want to wear falsies and pastel platforms and crazy hot pink dresses and frilly little necklaces and bow and accessories and my little silly trinkets and charms and tiny doodahs and knick-knacks because it looks cool, it's always looked cool because of course it did i was a nerdy little latina girl who liked nothing the other kids did, it was the only thing i had in common with any other girls in my school or my school neighbour hood or other side of the family and i don't care if you don't fucking like it or if you think im only doing this for the attention of other men, it's not up to you, my girlhood is doing what i fucking wanted to for so long but was told is wasn't "cool" or it was "lame" and "weak", there's nothing i've seen thats  weaker then some boys sense of boyhood because y'all don't give them any you just tell them not to be girly and if they are then they're pussies but that's nothing, that's not even a goddamn identity anymore, you praise masculine women yet you devalue, demonize and demean feminine me because truth is y'all see women as inherently weak and the only way she can transcend her womanly chains is by acting manish yet a man going against the grain and picking up a fucking barbie doll has something wrong with him and he needs to be fixed it's ridiculous do you even hear yourself right now? you raise girl on this whole thing and then the moment they start to hit middle school age you pull the rug from under them and tell them that the only reason they want to wear make up or the only reason why they haven't grown out of their pink phase yet is because they want men or they want to be seen by men or they want men to pay attention to them even though most of us are only doing it because we think it looks pretty and want to keep dressing like it.