sup, party people. i need to write more n exercise me noggin, for once. so lettuce begin. right now i'm listening to "Seal II", pretty fuckin awesomesauce!!!!! shoutout to my lovely boyfriend for puttin me onto seal!

let's talk about this semester... it ain't entirely over yet, in fact i should be wrapping up my final projects... but i can't bring myself to! that's the thing about this semester, i have barely able to bring myself to do ANYTHING. because i work a fuckton (they are pushing for me to be full-time so i'm starting to get to that point), then i get home and just wanna do my own shit... i don't have the motivation to do homework till like 11 or 12! fuck that! plus my homework is all exhausting and extensive because i took 4 eight-week classes. but then, i wouldn't even have motivation to do my own shit like games or hobbies, because i'm just drained entirely... so i'd just depressingly doomscroll on my phone since i had no energy to do anything else... i gotta get off the phone. i can't sit by and let it take over my life! i'm so so burnt out!

last negative thing, my mental health's just been abysmal dogshit... i feel very spent and burnt out. been having days where i fall asleep crying, wake up crying, drive to work crying. i haven't had one of those days in like a week or two, but it's been happening quite a few times throughout this semester. a lot of times i just consistently feel worthless and like i will never make a significant contribution. i especially feel it on those days where i can't bring myself to draw or do anything productive to better any of my skills. i feel like a waste of space. an annoying, screechy, pestering mosquito to everyone else. but i don't really wanna go on and on and on about it. i'll start spiraling down those bad thoughts if i do, and i can already feel that happening. so SUDDEN SUBJECT CHANGE!

i just had to let it all out because i always have the urge for some reason to always write extremely accurate/detailed blogs for preservation reasons, so that means the warts and all. but it's not like every day has been miserable. not at all! i have had many beautiful days during this semester. i had so many lovely dates with my boyfriend, we traveled around the big city with public transit and went to a fair together... we went to a big butterfly room, and butterflies are my favorite! i sang in front of him for the first time as we did some car karaoke (fuck james corden), and it was the first time i ever sang in front of anyone EVER! we went to go see KICKASS live bands, one of which was so kickass that it was one of the best days of my life thus far! and i remember the fun we had afterwards, where we drove to a donut shop at midnight and got many donut holes for free, and we got some whataburger too and played goofy ass music out loud in the drive thru line LOL. we both went to a delicious local hamburger chain one night, and we had such funny banter, i just remember falling in love with him more and more as we riffed off one another as we made some raunchy jokes about our delicious burgers. that was also one of my favorite days. this semester, i got to see one of my best friends a few times as she's also been insanely busy. and every time we met up, i had so much fun and felt so happy! her and i will make white chocolate matcha lattes and they are diviiiineee... i crave one right now lol. my job, despite my earlier complaints about being pushed to accept full-time, is a (mostly) peaceful and fun job. think papa's pizzeria type tasks. it's not a billionaire corporation, so i actually have attachment to it and want it to succeed greatly. i mostly love working there! so i have had some great times these past few months.

me and my  boyfiejnd  : ^ )

 i think i'm just moderately exhausted after my shifts, and then my schoolwork reaaally exhausts me once i get home, and finally my mental health is the last sucker punch in the gut. so i think that little chain reaction is why i been handling shit poorly recently, even though all this shit is completely feasible on its own. but all together? it starts getting to be a bit much for me.

OKAAAAY SEAL! THIS IS KICKASS! sorry, i just got to "love is powerful" and it's a complete tone shift... in the best way! BADASS! anyways

i had a really splendid thanksgiving weekend! i hope you all did too. i'm gonna try to blog more often... i know i say that EVERY time and never deliver lol. and especially with my busy ass schedule, it's even more likely than ever that i'll go back on that for the umpteenth time... but let me cook! let me cook!... i been wanting to write more recently. i been craving picking up the (virtual) pen and paper. gives me something to do that's not doomscrolling on my phone... seriously, i want to beat the evil grasp that the phone has on me so so bad! i don't even LIKE doomscrolling, i only do it when i feel too exhausted to do any hobbies... but shit, that's pretty damn often ain't it? to those at home reading this: any suggestions on fighting the urge to scroll on the phone? i am fully aware that i could spend that time honing my crafts like art or animation... yet i still don't get up and stop scrolling! why! halp meh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O_o any advice is appreciated!

thanks for reading, stranger! here, for your troubles, have a pokemon card!