It was silent tonight, an overpowering stillness which — for just a little while, muted the swarm of parasitic thoughts darting around inside of my rotting hive mind. These obsessive, roaring ghouls of self-disgust have been haunting my psyche as of recently. No matter what distractions I threw at myself, an act which played out like when a father jingles his dull car keys at his crying infant, everything seemed futile today. This deafening, tiring battle that I have recently been fighting in the trenches for is why I felt relief when I stepped outside tonight and heard the loudest silence ever.

Outside, it was so tranquil that there was no need to even hush. The air took note of this; there wasn’t a gust from it to be heard (nor felt). Detecting the inordinate levels of inner peace I was suddenly experiencing, I then took this sudden window of opportunity to have a holy night. I knew just where to look and turned to where all is calm and all is bright: the neighborhood in wintertime. I began to drive slowly, aimlessly in the fog. Cordial holiday roof lights of red and green glistened in the deeply misty night, with my mild case of astigmatism only refining the moment. Dissipating my gas tank with content, I leisurely cruised further down the block. Next to many of the decorated homes were others which were completely shrouded in darkness. Not every home seems to be jolly yet, but they will get there soon. They always will.

“I want a family”. After a few minutes of zoning out and staring at a certain jovially-decorated brick house, I remember thinking this thought. I want a family of my own, and one day I want to own a home I could decorate for Christmas. I want to drive home after a long day of work one winter’s night, hopefully on a night as serene as this one, and see my beaming festive lights beckoning me inside. I want to see my two kitty cats peering at me through the windows, and I want to see the shadow of my love sitting on the couch in the living room behind them. My nighttime impulse, which began as a way to prolong the temporary ceasefire from my looming negative thoughts, concluded to me that I must always fight for the family I want to celebrate Christmas with one day, no matter how hard things get. Truly, that is the power of incandescent lighting… or, rather, the loving family that plugged them in.