nervous for december

i want december to pass fast but at the same time i just dont want it to go by so quickly...

there are so many thing going on this month that im kinda overwhelmed by it: birthdays, buying gifts, dinner with coworkers, hospital and police station appointments, christmas, new years... there are some thing that i'm excited to do but there are other ones that i really dont want to do ugh, especially the hospital appointment.

also thinking about buying gifts but trying to save up money it makes me so exhausted. i really want to buy something for my family and boyfriend but i have so many things in my head that i dont know where to start. its like, i have the solution in my hands because i know what to do, i only need to stay calm and dont think about it so much and write up some gift ideas, but i just cant???? tf TT.

and thinking about 2025 ending and knowing that i didnt do anything that i wanted to do this year makes me so mad.

i remember on 2025 january making myself a promise to become better and i didnt change. but i've been making empty promises to myself for 24 years, and didnt change any of those bad habits that i have. i hate myself for that. even with the motivation in my hands i dont take the first step.

all this months i've been saying the same thing, ''the next month i will do it for sure''. girl...dont lie to yourself.

i want to be proud of myself, i want to be happy with myself, but why cant i get started?

bleh, i will just make myself some tea and write things up.

naranja