college? freedom? I dont even know anymore

Lately I've been been feeling so drained. not the kind of tired sleep can fix..more like everything in me is worn down but im still moving, still functioning, still doing life on autopilot. its strange how I can seem okay on the outside while inside everything feels heavy. And on top of that, I keep thinking about college. About going back..part of me actually wants it..like maybe it could give me direction again but then this fear hits me and I don't even know what I'm scared of? failing? being overwhelmed? no friends? feeling lost again? financial issues? maybe all of it. 

The truth is...I don't really know what I want right now. My mind changes, my feelings shift, and sometimes it feels like I'm just drifting but something in me believes that if I had a little more freedom, a little more independence..maybe I could figure myself out. Maybe I'd finally hear my own thoughts instead of everyone else's expectations..expecting me to be a good girl and listen to my family all the time. I'm frustrated with myself, with feeling struck, with being scared and tired at the same time. I just want space..space to breathe, to grow, to understand who I am and what I want without pressure and judgment.