Vent? Sorry if it's weird

Idk where else to write this? I have been ITCHING for friends, like it's not even funny ;/ I have spent over a year (maybe 2 or more) spending my mornings, evenings, and nights alone T.T Ever since the only friend I trusted with my life got a partner (and some other online friends), I instantly got "demoted" to the background ]; we barely talk IRL or online! Before all of this, we used to spend 3–5 hours playing! We talked for hours about “X” subject! Yet I have been feeling they're slipping away from me? The only person who I cared for the most! The one I felt most comfortable spending time with left me alone, and it hurts ; I feel like this year I hit rock bottom. I barely have the motivation for anything! I see them playing with their friends/partner, and I genuinely cry because I miss them and miss acting like friends! But don't get me wrong, I'm happy they have more friends and, more importantly, someone they love romantically!! But I wish they didn’t forget about me in the process. I miss them, and I miss what we used to have.

To fill the hole they left, I tried making IRL friends! At the start it wasn’t bad; I had a separate friend group besides them x: but inevitably? They eventually joined in ;b That friend group started to take a liking to them A LOT ]; to the point where the conversations in that friend group weren’t the same when they weren’t around! Time passed, and we got used to it, mostly :b I started playing with one of my friends from that friend group and her friend! We played 1 time, us three! And my friend found out and asked/jokingly complained about me not telling them to join me to play ]; next time we invited them? They played for half an hour and left because “their cuchurrumin” was calling! I got angry, not my best moment! But it made me remember certain times where they told me we had 30 min to play because they were going to play with their partner /; and the times I tried for online friends? No one spoke to me or even minded answering my messages after adding me to any other social media ]; if they didn’t ignore me? They were some horny teen/creep!

And I don’t understand what’s so unlikable about me to always get ignored, replaced, or faded into the background ]"; is it my appearance? Any detail of my personality? I have tried to change myself and educate myself in certain subjects to make me look more interesting and an engaging person to be around! U have been nonchalant, dry, loud, calm, ANYTHING to make myself approachable! I’ve done the things people ask me! Since I was 14, I exposed myself to perverts and weirdos to simply feel like someone was there :-( Yet no one ever dares to keep a friendship with me?? I'm so tired of being alone

The “worst” part? Is that I'm always rushing, I'm trying to help them whenever I can! Relationship-wise… anything whatsoever! Schoolwork, advice! Even asking my sister for medical certificates so that they can be absent without many consequences! But these bottled up feelings, everything that I keep saving to myself, has been getting to me D: I get irritated very easily, I cry over anything, I feel demotivated, abandoned, and used ]; i just need someone