Report Blog Entry
Today at school we had to go downstairs for a conference. I was very monotone during the conference, my face having little to no hint of readable emotion. It was pure boredom.
But when it was finally over, and I was exiting the conference salon, my 'friend' was closely hugging her friend. Patting each other on the back. It was a cheerful scene really.
But I had one thought on my mind. Why hasn't she ever hugged me?
Was I not likeable? Was I boring? She has never made any physical contact with me. We have known each other for 4 years. She has only known that friend for 2 years.
Anytime I asked her if we could go out, she was always busy. But she makes time for others. Her boyfriend, her friends.
She's cool. A classic alt girlie, I like having conversations with her. Bur I'm never met with the same enthusiasm.
I feel odd. I feel odd when I see people doing things with others they won't do with me. 'I don't like physical contact' when it comes to me, but she'll be hugging her other friends really closely, looking over their shoulder.
I wish that was me. I crave that connection. I do not have any close friends at school currently, including her. She never seeks my company, but I seek her's at times.
I think she's better than the rest. We have similar interests. Yet why does she avoid talking to me? I know I'm not very good looking (I'm trying to lose weight) am I embarrassing to be around? We're the same age. Though she's a grade lower than me.
Maybe the problem is with me. Maybe I overthink a lot. It's not like anyone is going to read this. I simply wanted to pour my thoughts.
Though I acknowledge I'm not exactly a good person in general either. When a conversation is too much for me I shut the other person out. But I have never done that with her, not ever. Well probably because she messages me like 10 times a year. But still, I don't think I have done anything wrong.
Comments
Displaying 2 of 2 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
𝐳𝐢𝐭 ౨ৎ
hmm... based on what you shared, it feels like she might view your friendship as something casual rather than something deeper.
i am only basing this on what you shared, but if you want a deeper and more meaningful connection, try finding the right time and space where the two of you can actually get to know each other beyond the usual small talk. aside from having the same interests, try leaning more into who she is as a person and allowing her to see who you are as well. real connection grows when both sides feel seen, heard, and understood.
but if she shows no interest in building anything deeper, then let yourself move on and stay open to someone who genuinely wants to connect with you. not every friendship is meant to evolve, and that is okay. the right people will meet you halfway without you needing to chase their attention.
but i do hope everything goes well, good luck:>
TurtleDuck
I promise you, no one deserves to be thought of this way by you. No one deserves you to think they're better than the rest while they treat you as less than.
Is it possible your friend is a fake? Yes. Is it possible this is all just a misunderstanding? Also yes. Should you feel bad about yourself because of it? Absolutely not.
I usually shut people out when I notice I'm not being listened. (Probably the reason I don't have any friends in my area rn.)
But with her I just can't. It feels like Im dropping my 1 count to 0.
Thank you for your comment.
by Tea; ; Report