Vent about one of my insecurities.

I think my confidence in my body is shrinking again. I'm a teenager, I'm short for my age (5'2) and I've always been extremely slim and light. I think that my body is fine. I don't like it. I haven't really liked my chest for a long time. But now I have a new issue. My stomach. Since last time I weighed myself (which could've been months ago, I don't really keep track) I've gained 3 kilos. Making this the most I've ever weighed. I'm still in the range I want to be in, but because of how short I am and my unfortunately natural slouch I'm worried about my stomach, and my eating habits. I've been eating a lot more fruit lately to try and clear my acne but now I feel that this food will have a different purpose for me. I want to get back to what I was, comfortable with my weight. This isn't really a drastic change but it's the biggest I've noticed in a long time and I'm uncomfortable.

My sister has a similar problem - different body type - It would be an invasion of her trust and privacy to disclose much else but she's not much taller than me and our mother is what she describes as a "Calorie Nazi", yes. A "Calorie Nazi" feel free to coin the term, I guess. My mum - really nice woman - often goes on diets and does research on tiktok and shows us and tries to push us (specifically my sister) to do more. I already have what the world sees as "the ideal body" because nobody else sees much more than skinny, so I've never been pushed to go to the gym or whatever. My sister has, though. (This isn't to say AT ALL that she's fat or overweight or anything like that)

My mum and sister have arguments about things, and they both talk to me about it separately. My sister believes that my mum is controlling, and that by trying to "help" my sister loose weight she's making her feel even more uncomfortable in her own skin. My mum believes that my sister is being unreasonable, and that if she's unhappy with her body type she should be working to change it. This then means that my mum goes on her own diets to make herself feel good, talks about it to all of us to convince us (namely her) to go on these diets and then tries to "encourage" my sister to go to the gym - which my sister sees as passive aggressive and it's making her insecure - (please note that my sister and I do multiple hours of dance a week, neither of us are "unfit")

Now, I'm in the middle of all of this, so dear readers, what relationship do I have with food...?

"You're lucky you can eat that without gaining weight"

"In a few years you'll have to watch what you eat so you don't gain weight"

"Mum always tells me to eat less or go to the gym or blah blah blah"

"Do you know why she brought this sweet treat? Because it's "low calorie""

"Do you know if (older sister) is eating anything when she gets home from school?"

And now I'm getting to that age where naturally I'm going to gain weight. That's just how it is. But I'm not growing UP, so I'm scared that this gain of even just 3 kilos is going to be evident in my body and that's a discomfort I have never had to deal with before. The food I've eaten has only affected my skin/acne, but never my weight. I do what I can for my acne and it's actually not looking too bad at the moment. But I've never had to calorie count or weight watch or anything of the sort and now I'm worried the useless carbs I put into my body are coming back out in a way that's giving me a stomach - which I don't like on my body type - and it's making me worry and regret and spiral.

None of this is me saying any body types are bad, none of this is me encouraging anything, I'm also not undermining anybody else's experiences. I just want to get comfortable in my body. I'm here on this blog talking because if I tell somebody in real life they'll say "you're worried about your weight? But you're so skinny!" And I'll get laughed at. Or "don't be ridiculous!" so... yeah.

Thanks for reading.

Kat Out.