☆ intrusive thoughts

i'm not sure how many people will see this to be honest, but it's whatever.

i have a question. what would you do if your biggest dream ever, that you've worked so hard for, doesn't happen? And you know it will never happen. it can't happen, because you've been deeply traumatised, overworked and under appreciated - and i'm talking about years of constant pain. how do you honestly move on and find another purpose to live, when all you feel is envy towards all the people that succeeded in exactly what you want to do? how do you comfort yourself when you genuinely have no one? 

how do you listen to your favourite songs and go on with your life, trying to completely erase that thing that has been a part of your entire existence? 

how do you wake up every day and continue living? how do you not get triggered when someone brings up the very thing you spent your whole life doing, until one day your body just couldn’t do it anymore because it became mentally exhausting?

and maybe you're just like me, and you have 100 other hobbies and stuff that you love to do, so people either tell you to 'move on and enjoy something else', or they tell you to 'just try harder', although you've pulled those strings too tight it ended up breaking. 

well, i guess i had more than just one question. my bad.

isn't life absolutely shit i wonder.