craving drugs as a result of environment

sometimes i hate the way i naturally crave substances. i was born with parents who were both addicts and they're responsible, which leads me to wonder if it's environment that shapes people's urges. people's unconventional sexual urges can be linked to childhood after all. with a regular family dynamic (caring mother and father, no marital issues) it's more than 90% possible my relationship with addiction in general would be normal and next to non existent. is it genetics or the environment?

i seek out addiction with next to no control over myself. i haven't tried drugs, but my brain behaves like i'm a rehabilitated addict, ridiculously begging i smoke something or pop a pill to relieve the nonexistent itch. considering my familiarity with drugs since i was a kid, it's likely environment rather than the genetics, which poses the question: how to get rid of the positive association?

i feel like i wake up day after day with an invisible clock ticking somewhere counting down the inevitable moment when i give in and get high for the first time. i'm mentally ill and actively suicidal, unsure of where my life is headed, and that alone is a recipe for disaster, but my environment has 100% fucked over my future in the long run. i know that no matter how many times i read this entry i'll probably end up a junkie.