Don't have a title for this, but these are my current thoughts

“I'm full of questions. Am I in the right place? Do you actually care about me? Is this friendship? Why did I get attatched? And I wonder, I wonder if I'm replaceable. I wonder if maybe I did something wrong. I wonder if maybe I should let you be and learn that I'm not as good as I thought I was for you.

It's been days, weeks, months since I felt that flame of joy in my chest. Everything was falling apart but I could see you waiting for me, helping me get up and finding a way to bring back that smile you adored. Now it feels empty, something is missing, and it feels like it's my fault.

...But how could I know? We don't talk like before anymore, you barely answer my texts, you barely aknowledge me anymore. We are ten who surround you, but you aknowledge nine, and leave one out. You leave one out with a knot of the throat, one who thinks that maybe they screwed up and you won't tell them.

I'm full of questions. Why did I get attatched? And I wonder, I wonder if maybe I did something wrong. It's been months since I've felt joyful. Everything fell apart and I don't see you there anymore. It's empty, something is missing, and it feels like it's my fault. How could I know? You leave me out with a knot on the throat.

I wonder if it's to late to say sorry, even if I don't know why I should say sorry.”

i don't like giving out too much when writing these things. but this is a glimpse of how my head sounds like everyday that passes, only changing the topic. today is this mess of guilt and questions, tomorrow it could be me spiraling over my nightmares, and the day after tomorrow... who knows. writing what happens inside my head helps me blow away the cloud of fear for a moment. and the messier it gets, the more real it is to what it actually feels like to live like this (at least from what *i* experience). not rlly looking for feedback or anything, just wanted to share this before going to bed so i can sleep more at ease. gn everypony, stay safe and stay hydrated